The fun before today

Izwan was being a sweetie for treating us lunch yesterday. So I made the calls and invited those familiar faces to joint the crowd. And since it's Za's birthday, we decided to have a pre-birthday celebration at Room 54. To add it up, it was the day that special someone finally introducing us to her new "friend".

Let the pictures do the talking. Oh! btw, the pictures aren't in its' sequels. I'm too lazy to re-arrange them.

But you get the idea, don't you. It spells F.U.N!

Birthday girl with her cake.

He just can't get enough of the mic

Us, both up and down

the boys. Oh! Din, welcome to the club

my girls! the people I can't live without.

My dearest Zarina Hassan,

Happy 25th birthday love! May all your dreams come true with all the love and joy that one could ever have. May Allah bless you always, murah rezki, panjang umur selalu. Many happy returns my love!

Please know that you have us around you to love and care for you through every shits in your life and every happiness that you're going to experience. You're always going to be my best girl. Love you much!

Reason for action.

Aku menulis sebagai seorang yang bekerja di dalam sektor penswastaan dan sebagai seorang individu yang tidak akan menjejakkan kaki bekerja untuk kerajaan. If ever the opportunity comes, I'll make sure that I have other options to it. I rather be a housewife than working with any government organizations or GLCs or anything related to them. Bukan untuk bercakap sombong, but this is how it goes. Rezeki tuhan yang kasi tapi kalau rezeki untuk ini, I think I'll past.

This happens right in front of my face and it wasn't my first experience dealing with it but more enough to practically hate them to die. Insufficient, self-centered, pathetic, intolerable, menyusahkan orang, makan duit orang, menghina, tidak tahu berbudi bahasa, dan yang paling penting, mereka adalah pekerja-pekerja yang bodoh lagi mendungukan.

Yes, I say it out loud. Orang yang paling harus belajar untuk berbudi bahasa adalah orang-orang yang mengaku berkhidmat untuk negara. Those civil servants need to undergo themselves to courses teaching how to communicate using the right manner. So much of Budi Bahasa crap; they are the ones bullshitting it.

Someone dearie to me had to undergo the same shit for the second time this year. Only this time, it's worst compared to the first incident. She has been serving loyally with one of the top GLC company (fully owned by the government) throughout her whole career life but was treated badly for the past 6 months. This has all got to do with a misconduct of the organization's management. Reason for action; to cut down company's manpower tetapi penggendalian yang dilakukan dengan penuh menjijikan. To top it up, the decision was made based on a personal interest of one particular bastard (who claimed to be someone very powerful).

We, the family decided to bring up this case to the higher court (if possible) and claim for the right justice as we owned it. Hell yeah, we do! If I were a lawyer, I would have sued the HR department for being unprofessional and insufficient.

And just to add the hatred I have towards civil servants, a neighbour of mine who has been "serving" the government his entire life works his leisure out of it. Makan gaji buta. Pergi kerja pukul 8, pukul 11am balik rumah rehat. Lepas tuh memang takda harapanlah nak pergi ofis balik. Satu minggu, 3 hari kerja, 2 hari ponteng and this has been going on for years. Shouldn't they take any actions for this kind of attitude. I thought that they have this so called "disciplinary" department who monitored their stuffs' progression? No wonder lah kerja and urusan kerajaan tak pernah siap on time. Lembab tak payah cakaplah.

And don't get me started with my government clients. They are as pain in the ass as the others.

So, tax payers. These are where your taxes go. To the pocket of these irresponsible civil servants.

As what my mother said, "Jangan lagi kalian bekerja dengan orang kerajan. Biar hidup susah kerja swasta, janji jangan makan duit orang" and I'm going to hold to that words forever.

I really pray that the opposition party wins the next general election. This one we have now is working like a lazy pig and in-systemically managed!

For better or for worst

While waiting for my goodnight call last night, I re-watched the season finale of Grey's Anatomy and I must say that it was indeed the best finale comparing to the past 5 seasons.

Kita tidak akan berlaku jujur dengan diri kita sendiri, not till you know that you're about the loose that one person that you care the most. When everything gets bad, regret is what we have left. Masa tu, memang dah tak ada apa-apa lagi yang boleh dilakukan.

One thing that I learned from that short ending is that never afraid in telling the person you love how much you care for them. Coz you might never know when is your next chance going to be. Life is short after all. The second you know, they won't be by your side, no more!

Got stuck half way. So, here I am trying to finish up this post. Dah macam karangan wajib buat pulak. Kalau tak buat nanti esok kena berdiri atas kerusi. Though I thought of canceling this post but somehow I need to let this thoughts out from my head.

I was never a girl who listens to what her parents has to say. No, I'm not that type of daughter who obey her parents. Ever since I was young, I always do the otherwise. Whenever my parents asked me to do things their way, I'll definitely do it through my way and we always ended up arguing due to my stubbornness. But as I grow older, I start to learn to appreciate my parents more. I start to understand their language. They have to be that way in the name of raising a kid. They wanted the best for their children. And I understand it now. Cuba bayangkan kalau ibu bapa kita tidak ambil kisah pasal diri kita. Belom tentu kita akan jadi manusia.

But I don't have regrets. Well in fact, if I don't acted that way, I would have been hurting my parents more now than ever before and things would have been differently. Better it be a good or a bad one. I wouldn't know!

Each day I learn to love my parents more. Not to say that I don't love them or I've never loved them before. But I love them more now than before. Pusing-pusing ayat aku! Coz one day, that one particular day will come and I don't want to feel that I've wasted my life hurting them other than making them a happy parents. If that day ever happens (minta simpang), I hope they know that they've raised their kids the way it should have been.

And I hope it is not to late for you to tell your loved ones how much they mean to you. It's relieving to tell someone/to let someone know that you care for them; that they have someone like you to love them.

Love is the most beautiful thing in the world. The love you have for your loved ones, the love you have for yourself and the love you have for the living makes you a better person. But never forget that nothing beats the love towards Yang Maha Esa. He knows what's best for you.

A girl can only dream

living room

kitchen

bedroom

toilet

Dream on Ajlaa. Dream on...

Bad dreams aren't good

Remember my last post I was saying about me having fever and what not. Well apparently this fever decided to stay with me the whole week. I've been carrying medicines every single day that forced me to have them every morning, day and night. I was never a medicine type of person (for the fact that I can't hardly swallow pills) but if I don't take them, I'll be laying on bed the whole week and that won't be a good record for me, won't it?!

So yeah, I took them during the day and here I am feeling pretty sleepy.

Speaking of which, I've been having weird dreams lately. I blamed it on the medicines. Ever since this-whole-week-taking-medicines-period, I've been having weird dreams almost every night of the week.

There's one time when I dreamt of a black snake chasing me all over the house and when I woke up it was only 5am. It gave me hard time to sleep back coz the image of the snake stuck in my head the whole night. Oh, I'm Ophidiophobia! You'll figure out why. And it is stuck in my head still. Every time before bed, I'll make sure that there's nothing there in my room and I have to inspect the house every day. Oh, tahap phobia saya memang melampau.

Days before that, I dreamt of losing my engagement ring. It felt so real I swear I woke up with tears in my eyes.

And yesterday night, I dreamt of something weird but gladly, I can't recall of what was it all about today.

There were days when I felt like not sleeping but the drugs bland me well. I can't help it but to doze off right after consuming them. You know how drug works, don't you?! So yeah, there I go, bad dreams whole week.

Orang kata, demam tuh macam penghapusan dosa-dosa kecil. Hopefully dosa-dosa kecilkku terhapus. Amin.

Thank you ma love!

The universe only makes sense when we have someone to share our feelings and commitment with.

- Paulo Coelho

I'm down with fever but am still working as usual. Thought of taking half day yesterday but due to some circumstances (client will always be client), I can't. And the crazy part was, I had to stay back till late hours just to get it all done. Lucky for me, Izwan offered himself to pick me up from work (just to make up of what he did to me the day before). How sweet of him =P

I'm stoned as hell. Took medicines this morning after breakfast and I'm all stoned!

True entertainer

I was so sleepy today at work. I just couldn't open my eyes. Made myself a cup of black coffee to ease the sleepiness but it failed, badly. So I browsed youtube for some entertainment and saw this video. It was the opening act for AIM 17.

They are a truly entertainers. You can never get enough of Afdlin Shauki & Adibah Noor. Never!

Is it just me or the world to be blamed at?

This post has been blanked for awhile now. Every time I started writing, it'll go blanked back again. The moment I started constructing words, it'll be blanked once again. It hurts so bad to know that you've lost the ability to write. I've lost my ability to write. I used to be someone so opinionated. I used to have so many ideas on things to write about. Oh! how I miss the years where I blog actively. English tak payah cakaplah. Dah tunggang terbalik. I even have difficulties in constructing words without having grammatical errors. I guess, work makes your life occupied or probably because my life is less interesting now. There's always someone/something to blame on/at. Always.

I blame it on twitter. I've been twittering actively god knows how. It's the best place for me to throw my tantrum the minute I feel like it. Or probably because my life is just less interesting. I'm trying to blog again. At least, a post a day. Crappy tak crappy, itu campak ke tepi. But I'll make it a habit. At least a post a day. So yeah, lets see how things go.

But right now, allow me to mourn for a while. I just can't get over the fact that we lost to Japan last night on Thomas cup. Japan for crying out load. Japan! I feel so ashamed!

Life reminder

There are three things I want to achieve this year. It's nothing materially but mainly involving soul cleanliness. If I were to achieve all these, this year, I really really have to work hard on it. We are already in the month of May. Within few weeks, May will be waving its' hand and than comes June. Half a year past with just a blink of an eye and what have I achieved so far? None, I can tell you. It's None!

Things that I desperately need to educate myself:

To forgive and forget
Well, honestly, forgiving it not as hard as to forget. It takes you million of years to forget one stupid little thing that you've caused. It takes you centuries to build the strength due to your weaknesses. It takes your whole energy to convince yourself that the same shit won't happen again. No matter how hard you tell yourself that everything is going to be fine, the thoughts will never slip from your mind. You learn and keep on learning. You keep yourself distracted from remembering the past. The harder you try, the stronger it stays with you. As what it says, memories remain; either good or bad. It's there; permanently. It's all said and done and it's up to me to choose either to forgive or to forget. I've forgiven and hell yes, I've forgiven everything but I'm still learning to forget. Though I must admit, the forgetting process is not easy but I'm still here learning. Cause I don't want to hurt myself anymore. And so, here I am, promising myself, by the end of this year you will be forgotten. Better still, you'll be gone earlier than that.

Think positive
It's so hard to see things in a positive manner other than the negative ones. It's always been "tak boleh itu", "tak boleh ini", "tak dapat itu","tak dapat ini", "kenapa itu", "kenapa ini". Always. Not in a single day that we don't question ourselves the negative way. Frankly, I can't be positive myself either especially during this peak hour of the season. I don't actually know what season we are currently in/at but at this moment of time, I'm in a total deep shit. As much as I'm hoping for a better opportunity, deep down in me, I know that I'm not going to get any, anytime soon. And by that, it's hard for me to face the fact that I'm not heading any road other than this current one. And I can't even see what's waiting for me in the future. I'm demotivated and it's pretty bad.

To always be grateful
And this is the hardest part of all time. I'm demotivated, still holding the grunge, too emotional, complaining to much, bragging unnecessarily and acting like a brat. I have to stop hoping for things that are not belongs to me. I have to learn to appreciate what I have. I have to keep myself reminded that to always live for the present. Be grateful Ajlaa. Be grateful.


But I will never stop hoping. All these nonsense have cause me headache that made me worried to much. I can't sleep. I eat less. I work more. For nothing! It doesn't seem to be fun anymore. I have to stop worrying. I have to start looking things on the bright side. I have too!

Ajlaa, you have too! And stop complaining. People hate it when you complain too much. So stop complaining.

Hilariously awesomeness

Walking down memory lane

Was cleaning my room when I saw a box of cds I have from I-don't-know-what-centuries-they-came-from and saw this one particular cd with "friends & love" as its' caption. And tadaaa, it contains photos of Izwan and me from way back then when we first started dating. Auwww!

This was taken during our first outing together as a couple at one of the malls in Penang. Malu-malu kucing lagi time ni. Bertapa tak mature-nya muka masing-masing. 20 tahun lah katakan!!

Taken during his 22nd birthday celebration. Was on a tight budget (biasalah, tengah belajar lagi) so we decided to have lunch together at Pizza Hut.

This was taken at one of the evening where he had to accompany me to send off my assignment/project at my school. It was a good evening though. We spent some hours appreciating the weather.

And this was taken on a night where he was forced to accompany me to do my assignment. I had to do a photo shoot for my project and he was my subject matter.

Random outing sessions.

So there you go, a series of photos of me and Mr. Izwan. Sorry for the kodi-ness but I just can't help it. Being in love is a beautiful thing especially when you know that you're marrying the person who you can't live without.

We were both still studying when we first met. We didn't expect that this relationship last this long. We've been through some shits together. We lost ourselves in the middle. We met someone new in between but somehow, the bond still holding strong. I hope, I'm doing the right thing by accepting your proposal. I hope we'll be together forever, Insyaallah.

Sorry peeps! I'm in love and I can't help it.

Cheers!

And so they say

You'll never realize how much you care about a person, til the thought of them being with someone else is enough to break your heart - #TLS

I've encountered such situation and it was a hell of a situation. It wasn't the proudest moment but somehow it taught me lessons; in so many ways. I learned to appreciate more. I learned to differentiate between what's important and what's not. I learned that feelings do matter; no matter how hard it gets, they really are! I learned to not to take things for granted. I learned that actions speak louder than words. I learned that we are responsible for our actions; that words determine feelings. And I must say, it wasn't an easy job to deal with such situation.

I've experienced some breakdowns, mind-loosing control, emotional unbalance while dealing with the situation. It took me that hard to make me realize how important a person is. It was a hell of a nightmare and I swear to myself that I, will never get involve or to come any closer with the same situation ever again. It was really painful. I was in pain to the extension of loosing my own self as if I was in a war fighting for the uncertainties.

And there's always a price for you to pay. Your heart breaks into million pieces that you just couldn't find your way to fix it. And that is when you realize how important that person means to you.

I learned my lesson well and I'm glad that I managed to pull myself together. Things were ugly back then but it changes beautifully over time and I hope it stays for as long as I, we could hold ourselves together.

Sometimes, you have to take things in their ugliest and be able to change them into something beautiful. That way, you'll learn to appreciate more.

May Day

1) This is my first year celebrating Labour Day as in being a labour myself. It turned out to be just an ordinary Saturday without the FUN word.

2) It's also Cuppies­® first anniversary in the online industry. Sad to say, I've stopped baking for awhile now. Been pretty busy with work and things related to it (wedding preparation that is). And I think I should start baking again coz I'm sensing the loosing skills of it anytime soon.

3) Speaking of the devil, an auntie asked how my wedding preparation going? Well auntie, I've done nothing yet and I don't think I'm going to start doing anything anytime soon. Let's just go with the flow. Everything will be as planned when the time comes, Insyaallah!

4) I can't believe I wrote this but couple of weeks ago, I attended a wedding exhibition at Midvalley with best friends (they forced me to joint them). There's nothing exciting about it. But I think wedding business is somehow very demanding. But I still prefer coordinating my wedding myself (DIY concept). Means, looking for what-ever-not separately instead of looking for an existing packages. The food is disastrously bad (I'm exaggerating), they proposed a marked-up price (and they never admitted it) and their services are terrible (I'm exaggerating again).

5) I'm already in the midst of a quarter life crisis although I'm not officially in it yet. Everything seems so wrong lately. I'm to young to feel OLD!

6) Men, they should never mess with woman's instincts. We can never go wrong with it. That's the power of being a woman.

7) I think god is sending me a sign but I've yet to figure it out! And I have to stop complaining. I need to learn to accept things as what they are.

I'm done complaining. Back to work!