Life reminder

There are three things I want to achieve this year. It's nothing materially but mainly involving soul cleanliness. If I were to achieve all these, this year, I really really have to work hard on it. We are already in the month of May. Within few weeks, May will be waving its' hand and than comes June. Half a year past with just a blink of an eye and what have I achieved so far? None, I can tell you. It's None!

Things that I desperately need to educate myself:

To forgive and forget
Well, honestly, forgiving it not as hard as to forget. It takes you million of years to forget one stupid little thing that you've caused. It takes you centuries to build the strength due to your weaknesses. It takes your whole energy to convince yourself that the same shit won't happen again. No matter how hard you tell yourself that everything is going to be fine, the thoughts will never slip from your mind. You learn and keep on learning. You keep yourself distracted from remembering the past. The harder you try, the stronger it stays with you. As what it says, memories remain; either good or bad. It's there; permanently. It's all said and done and it's up to me to choose either to forgive or to forget. I've forgiven and hell yes, I've forgiven everything but I'm still learning to forget. Though I must admit, the forgetting process is not easy but I'm still here learning. Cause I don't want to hurt myself anymore. And so, here I am, promising myself, by the end of this year you will be forgotten. Better still, you'll be gone earlier than that.

Think positive
It's so hard to see things in a positive manner other than the negative ones. It's always been "tak boleh itu", "tak boleh ini", "tak dapat itu","tak dapat ini", "kenapa itu", "kenapa ini". Always. Not in a single day that we don't question ourselves the negative way. Frankly, I can't be positive myself either especially during this peak hour of the season. I don't actually know what season we are currently in/at but at this moment of time, I'm in a total deep shit. As much as I'm hoping for a better opportunity, deep down in me, I know that I'm not going to get any, anytime soon. And by that, it's hard for me to face the fact that I'm not heading any road other than this current one. And I can't even see what's waiting for me in the future. I'm demotivated and it's pretty bad.

To always be grateful
And this is the hardest part of all time. I'm demotivated, still holding the grunge, too emotional, complaining to much, bragging unnecessarily and acting like a brat. I have to stop hoping for things that are not belongs to me. I have to learn to appreciate what I have. I have to keep myself reminded that to always live for the present. Be grateful Ajlaa. Be grateful.


But I will never stop hoping. All these nonsense have cause me headache that made me worried to much. I can't sleep. I eat less. I work more. For nothing! It doesn't seem to be fun anymore. I have to stop worrying. I have to start looking things on the bright side. I have too!

Ajlaa, you have too! And stop complaining. People hate it when you complain too much. So stop complaining.

Hilariously awesomeness

Walking down memory lane

Was cleaning my room when I saw a box of cds I have from I-don't-know-what-centuries-they-came-from and saw this one particular cd with "friends & love" as its' caption. And tadaaa, it contains photos of Izwan and me from way back then when we first started dating. Auwww!

This was taken during our first outing together as a couple at one of the malls in Penang. Malu-malu kucing lagi time ni. Bertapa tak mature-nya muka masing-masing. 20 tahun lah katakan!!

Taken during his 22nd birthday celebration. Was on a tight budget (biasalah, tengah belajar lagi) so we decided to have lunch together at Pizza Hut.

This was taken at one of the evening where he had to accompany me to send off my assignment/project at my school. It was a good evening though. We spent some hours appreciating the weather.

And this was taken on a night where he was forced to accompany me to do my assignment. I had to do a photo shoot for my project and he was my subject matter.

Random outing sessions.

So there you go, a series of photos of me and Mr. Izwan. Sorry for the kodi-ness but I just can't help it. Being in love is a beautiful thing especially when you know that you're marrying the person who you can't live without.

We were both still studying when we first met. We didn't expect that this relationship last this long. We've been through some shits together. We lost ourselves in the middle. We met someone new in between but somehow, the bond still holding strong. I hope, I'm doing the right thing by accepting your proposal. I hope we'll be together forever, Insyaallah.

Sorry peeps! I'm in love and I can't help it.

Cheers!

And so they say

You'll never realize how much you care about a person, til the thought of them being with someone else is enough to break your heart - #TLS

I've encountered such situation and it was a hell of a situation. It wasn't the proudest moment but somehow it taught me lessons; in so many ways. I learned to appreciate more. I learned to differentiate between what's important and what's not. I learned that feelings do matter; no matter how hard it gets, they really are! I learned to not to take things for granted. I learned that actions speak louder than words. I learned that we are responsible for our actions; that words determine feelings. And I must say, it wasn't an easy job to deal with such situation.

I've experienced some breakdowns, mind-loosing control, emotional unbalance while dealing with the situation. It took me that hard to make me realize how important a person is. It was a hell of a nightmare and I swear to myself that I, will never get involve or to come any closer with the same situation ever again. It was really painful. I was in pain to the extension of loosing my own self as if I was in a war fighting for the uncertainties.

And there's always a price for you to pay. Your heart breaks into million pieces that you just couldn't find your way to fix it. And that is when you realize how important that person means to you.

I learned my lesson well and I'm glad that I managed to pull myself together. Things were ugly back then but it changes beautifully over time and I hope it stays for as long as I, we could hold ourselves together.

Sometimes, you have to take things in their ugliest and be able to change them into something beautiful. That way, you'll learn to appreciate more.

May Day

1) This is my first year celebrating Labour Day as in being a labour myself. It turned out to be just an ordinary Saturday without the FUN word.

2) It's also Cuppies­® first anniversary in the online industry. Sad to say, I've stopped baking for awhile now. Been pretty busy with work and things related to it (wedding preparation that is). And I think I should start baking again coz I'm sensing the loosing skills of it anytime soon.

3) Speaking of the devil, an auntie asked how my wedding preparation going? Well auntie, I've done nothing yet and I don't think I'm going to start doing anything anytime soon. Let's just go with the flow. Everything will be as planned when the time comes, Insyaallah!

4) I can't believe I wrote this but couple of weeks ago, I attended a wedding exhibition at Midvalley with best friends (they forced me to joint them). There's nothing exciting about it. But I think wedding business is somehow very demanding. But I still prefer coordinating my wedding myself (DIY concept). Means, looking for what-ever-not separately instead of looking for an existing packages. The food is disastrously bad (I'm exaggerating), they proposed a marked-up price (and they never admitted it) and their services are terrible (I'm exaggerating again).

5) I'm already in the midst of a quarter life crisis although I'm not officially in it yet. Everything seems so wrong lately. I'm to young to feel OLD!

6) Men, they should never mess with woman's instincts. We can never go wrong with it. That's the power of being a woman.

7) I think god is sending me a sign but I've yet to figure it out! And I have to stop complaining. I need to learn to accept things as what they are.

I'm done complaining. Back to work!