We tend to take things for granted. We neglected the people who are close to our hearts intentionally. We thought that they understand us; that they can actually read whats there in our mind as if our heads were made by a see-thru glass window. And as a result, we constantly break those meaningful hearts and casually be fine with it. We apologized just for the sack of apologizing. We promised to change things for the better but honestly, we don't. And again, those hearts were broken but only this time, it's no longer fixable.
I was once like what I've mention above months ago. I wasn't aware about it till it hit me bad that brought me to face a depression. I took medication (the stupidest thing I've ever commit) for I thought that it could help me at some point, but it didn't. I was falling to the stage of point where I thought that I could never be fixed; that I have lost it, permanently.
The worst part was, I've stopped believe in myself again.
I was living under the dark cloud wondering what went wrong. There were so many questions in my head but I couldn't find the answers. It was within that short period of time that I've lost myself completely. It felt as if I was living inside someone else body that my actual body was buried in the jungle. I couldn't believe that it actually happened; to me!
It was my fault; for all that had happened, it was caused by me. I was being too stubborn to be living selfishly. I couldn't be bothered caring about other people's feeling other than mine. I was living my life selfishly. And this is the price that I have to pay.
After months of going through the recovering process, I must say that I've made some progressions. Though I might not be fully recovered, but I'm glad that I managed to get it through. It wasn't easy. It wasn't easy convincing myself that everything is going to be fine. It wasn't easy to have faith in myself again. It wasn't easy telling myself everyday that I am strong. It wasn't easy watching everything that I've caused and it wasn't easy to get the pictures out from my head.
This is the price that I have to pay for being a selfish bastard, for taking things for granted, for wasting those precious hearts, and mostly for hurting my own self. But I am still here, standing for as long as I can hoping that everything will come to an end.
But there's always light at the end of every tunnel. I'm glad that I managed to pick myself up from keep on falling. I managed to get my face straight from the big slap. I managed to be standing on my feet again from hesitation.
After the "heart-to-heart" conversation I had last night I know that I'm going to be fine; that everything will be fine again. It's always good to come clean with each other every once in awhile. At least I know that I made progression, that we are back on our track again.
It's just a matter of time. And time will consume everything. Though I might not be able to forget everything, but I managed to forgive everyone, open-heartedly.
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