Rule #1

We are already in the third week of January. Time flies with just a blink of an eye. I hope it is not too late for me to start with my new year's resolution. I never really practice making resolution every year for I know that I will never fulfill them at any possible time. But this year is totally a new year for me.

2010 is the year that I am going to make my resolution works. *finger crossed* And by works mean determination. My only resolution for this year is to rock life like a rockstar.

Rule #1 in rocking life like a rockstar is by reminding myself to always forgive and forget. Though it might be something very difficult for me to fulfill (knowing who Ajlaa Azam really is) I am going to make sure that I am willing to let myself to forgive and forget regardless of anything or anyone that invloves in my life.

I am in a state of waiting for the uncertainties. I am in the midst of hoping for something that I am not sure of. I am in the middle of hating everyone for any of that matter and I am stuck with denials. Yes, notice the plural?! And for what its worth, they have been succesfully ruin my life. I have hated myself more than I know. I have been hurting myself worst than a stabbing knife and I have been touring myself apart from its actual place.

So in order for me to rock life like a rockstar, I have to make sure that my heart and soul are clean. Clean from hatred!

So to you and you, I, Ajlaa Azam has forgive everything that you have caused me. I am not seeking for your forgiveness but I am here to forgive you and try my very best to forget everything that had happened. I just want a happy-clean life. I don't want to hate anyone. I don't want to ruin myself. Everything that had happened have caused me a terrible damage and I don't want to hurt myself anymore or cause anymore damages. It has caused me bad injuries that I don't want to make it anymore worst than what it already does.

I've cried myself an ocean (seriously bad!) and I don't want to cry anymore. I've hurt myself bad, I don't want to hurt it anymore. I'm trying to let everything go and forget about everything. What ever that comes after this is totally up to you. I just want to see myself smile again. Laugh like I used too. Be happy totally.

And to whom that it may concern, I've forgive you completely. Coz you don't deserve any of my time.

I will keep on reminding myself to always forgive and forget. Not just because of you or the damages that you've caused me but to have a clean heart and soul. I've suffered enough and I don't want to suffer anymore. I don't deserve this kind of suffering.

If by any chance that you stop by and read this (I doubt it), I just want to tell you that I appreciate everything that you've done so far. Though it might not be fair to both of us, but thank you for making me realized how bad I was before. I know that you are still trying (for the fact that you are trying very hard), I don't know when are you going to stop trying. I don't want to remember you or everything that you've caused me but I just hope that someday you'll stop trying. I forgive you!

Starting from today, January the 11th, Ajlaa Azam is learning to forgive and forget! Hope that it will last till the very last day; of my life!

Goodnight!