Off Motherhood

It's been 82 days since I upgraded myself to a new status. From a mother of 1 to a proud mother of 2 healthy growing girls. So far, it has been great - challenging and tough but great. I have to admit that I struggle a bit (a lot actually). Time ni memang sesuai sangat nak guna #thestruggleisreal sebab the struggle memang REAL. 

My expectation of Iman being a big sister hancur musnah right after I gave birth. She looked OK at first. Sedikit clueless of who the baby is but after few days, she started to show tantrum. Iman used to be very independent. At her age, she is already able to do a lot of things on her own. Hence why at first I wasn't worried about having the second baby. Tapi semuanya berubah bila baby dah balik rumah and my time is mostly spent with the baby - feeding, bathing and all. Iman started to become jealous of her baby sister. And until today, she is not able to accept the sharing part lagi. This, I believe is also due for the fact that she has been the only child for 5 long years. 

As a mother, I have to admit that I am still struggling to manage both girls. How do I divide my love to both of them equally? Do I need to divide my love? What if I choose not too? Will they feel equally loved? How do I make sure that both of them will never ever feel less loved? Can I be fair to both of them? Will they get equal fair treatment? 

These are all the questions playing in my head which I obviously have no answers yet.

I know.... I know.... 82 days is still very new. I still have ample of time to readjust. But hey, the faster I fix it the better isn't it? 

My toughest challenge right now is to get Iman to get use to the idea of sisterhood. Calling herself "kakak" and the baby "adik" does not get her the idea/feeling of being a big sister. Clearly, she is struggling too. She feels less loved as it is translated clearly in all of her actions. She constantly seeking for everyone's attention. Masalahnya, takda siapa pon yang kasi less attention to her but I believe as a kid, she feels it.

Tried to slow talk with her but I think she refused to listen and understand. I have been very hard on her for the past few weeks. Ye lah, baru lepas bersalin kan. Penatnya lain macam and so very often that I scolded her unintentionally. Of course, I feel guilty after that but I just can't help it. Slowly, right now I try to control my temper as I believe that I need to be in Iman's shoes just till things are back to normal.

Motherhood does not come in manual. It is always try and error. I believe Allah granted me this "challenges" as He knows that I can do it. It is the matter of HOW which is totally up to me. I just need to have faith in everything that I do. Well, as easy as it sounds, it is not easy at all. It will never be easy. It is a continuous life learning process. They are my harta dunia dan akhirat and it is my responsibility to shape them no matter how hard it is. I ain't superheroes. Challenges come and go. There will be bad days and of course good days. I just need to embrace it. It will never be easy. IT WILL NEVER BE.

#thestruggleisreal

They are the love of my life. Always and forever. Dunia dan akhirat.

New Milestone, New Adventure

Last year, I did a test-run for Iman by sending her to the school. I failed big time. I have to admit, it was a wrong move all together. The reason I sent her at that time was because my wonderful helper went back to her hometown for 3 months and I was helper-less hence, the decision of sending Iman to the play-school.

Since there was no one to teman her coz everyone was not available - my mother, Izwan and me. Tak kan nak tinggalkan Iman with her atok. So, I sent her for a full day session at school. Morning is the usual schooling hours and noon onwards is merely like a nursery. Obviously, she did not used to the whole idea of being alone in the school, she ended up hating the school so much sampai dengar perkataan "School" pon tak boleh terima. She got sick after a week of this routine and she hated school immediately. Hate! BENCI! TAK SUKA!. My life turned upside down because of this. Alhamdulillah, my helper came back after 2 months of "leave". Pheww....

But the misery does not end there. I had to slowly introduce Iman to the idea of going to school. Because my end goal is for her to start enrolling with the school environment by 2016. Slowly, I have to make her to like to the idea of going to school. Slowly but surely - that's my mantra!

Lama-kelamaan, she started to want to go to school on her own. So November last year, I sent her to Brainy Bunch Wangsa Maju for a play-date. She went there just to play. Alhamdulillah, she liked it!

So in January 2016, she is fully on-board. I was so nervous but it turned out well. My goal of sending her bukan sebab nak Iman pandai ke apa. But to introduce her to schooling environment. To start developing her motor skills. To socialize. Ultimately, kalau nak pergi sekolah untuk pandai is by 6 years old. This is what I believe tapi tak tahu lah parents lain. For me, I don't want to force Iman. Pergi sekolah is for her to get use to the idea nanti dah betul-betul masa untuk sekolah, then barulah sekolah. Get it?

5 months passed and Alhamdulillah, she survived and still going strong.

I write soon on her school experience. Slowly but surely :)

Have a nice weekend peeps.

Off Stay-home-mum or Working-Mum

There was an interesting topic on Mix FM this morning which resembles 100% of what I'm thinking, have thought and maybe considering to do in my life. The question that I believe most of us working mums have continuously asking ourselves whether should we indulge to it or not. Soalan antara hidup dan mati of being a stay-at-home mum or continue being a working-mum?

Ever since I had Iman, I have been telling myself, maybe it's about time for me to stop working and be a fulltime-stay-at-home-mum. I even had a conversation with Izwan pertaining to my needs on wanting to be a stay-at-home-mum. Working in the industry where time is very "precious" especially during the working days makes me constantly feeling guilty for leaving my family unattended. I spend most of my time at work and I only reach home when Iman is already in bed which then again makes me looks like an irresponsible parent. Hence why I have been doubting myself in pursuing my career and being a mum all at the same time. 

After much consideration and a little bit of consultation with the husband, I have decided to stick with being a working mum. It's tough but I believe I can do it.

I was reluctant at first and still with the idea of wanting to be a stay-at-home mum but then again, when I rethink of all the consequences, I should really stick to being a working mum for the betterment of our (my) family.

The unfulfilled feeling is just temporary - Syaitan yang selalu menghasut. As a mum, I have ensured that everything is in order. I have learnt (and mastered) to divide the working hours and the time that I should be spending with my family. Masa dengan keluarga is really a masa with keluarga. I know for the fact that I will be very busy during weekdays. And therefore, by the time I'm home, my time is fully spend for the family. Weekends memang dedicated for family. 

Eventhough my parents are there to help (yes people, I am still staying with my parents) but I do believe that the responsibility of managing my own family is in my hand. Yes, I'm forever grateful that I have a very understanding and a very helpful helper. But that does not mean that my duty as a mum is lesser. Iman is after all my daughter and it is my job to ensure that her wellbeing, education and life in general is in order.

Yes, money can't buy happiness but everything in this world needs money. Education needs money, petrol needs money, and let's not forget that money helps to serve food on the table. And therefore, I have to work to ensure that I can provide nothing but the best to my child(ren).

I know I've worked my way and I know some people have judged me for not being a good mum. What people sees is just the surface of it. They do not know what's inside and all that they can do is to judge and I shouldn't be fooled by the negativity.

As a person, I have my own achievement that I would like to achieve - career growth, life stability. I have my own ambition that I wish to accomplish. I don't see that having a family can be the barrier of me wanting to improve myself. It's complementing each other actually and therefore, I have to build a strong positive mind to ensure that both areas are being taken care off. Alhamdulillah, I have a supporting family and husband. Of course, there will be hiccups every now and then, but as long as I believe in it, Insya Allah, Allah will show me the way. Kerja itu juga ibadah. Kalau kita lakukan dengan ikhlas, insya Allah segalanya akan diberkati. 

Having said that, there is no wrong for those who want/decided to be a stay-at-home mum. Kerja yang amat mulia. This is just my point of you. You are open to agree to disagree.

A mum will always want the best for their family and only a mother will know what to do with her life.

"Eat your veggies, Iman"

Watching my lil cousins growing up hating all the green veggies makes me want my children to not to hate them. I want to make sure that they love them as much as I do. I just don't get it why some people just don't like to eat veggies. There are very good - for your health mentally and physically.

A kiasu mom I am, I already started introducing Iman to all sorts of veggies every since her first day of consuming solids. I made broccoli, sweet potato, carrot puree for her. Of course, they were made separately and Alhamdulillah, she has no problem eating them. She even likes it she eats it raw. I boil the carrot/broccoli in a soup and she eats it with her hand. I just hope this eating behaviour stays forever.

With just a little bit of white meat, I'm turning Iman into a vegetarian I think! I guess I don't mind if she wants it too.

I guess I'm not really that kiasu mom, I found this article online on the importance of kids and vegetable which I believe is very useful especially for us the first time mums. (source: themalaysianinsider)

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Faced with a nine-month old who makes faces at anything green, or a toddler who throws a tantrum at the sight of a carrot, many parents are tempted to give up on getting their kids to enjoy veggies.

But the findings of the HabEat project – a multidisciplinary Pan-European study of how food behaviours are formed in infants and children – give parents plenty of reasons to persevere.

At the final symposium of the project, held in Dijon, France on March 31 and April 1, the research teams also presented practical recommendations for improving children's intake of fruit and vegetables.

Initiated in January 2010 by 11 partner organisations from five European countries, the HabEat project followed the eating habits of several cohorts of children (aged six months to six years) over a four-year period.

The goal: to understand how eating habits are formed and sometimes broken during the first years of life.

Using various psychological, epidemiological, behavioural and nutritional analyses, the project sought to identify the key mechanisms in the development of children's taste or distaste for certain foods.

At the end of the project, researchers' recommendations all centre around one essential point: children must be taught to enjoy fruits and vegetables at the earliest age possible.

The project's findings also emphasise the importance of diversity in the diet, suggesting that children should be introduced to a wide variety of fruits and vegetables early on.

For better chances of success, researchers advise introducing only one new fruit or vegetable per meal, without combining them.

Parents should act as role models during the process, encouraging their child to appreciate fruits and vegetables without forcing them.

In fact, coercive techniques and reward-based motivations ("Eat your sprouts and you'll get cake") can be counterproductive, as they alter a child's natural ability to gauge hunger and satiety, leading to a risk of compulsive eating and obesity later in life.

It is better to trust the child's appetite, however fickle it may be. Sometimes, the same vegetable may be offered and rejected eight to 10 times over the course of a few weeks before a child finally takes a liking to it.

For older children, being involved in the cooking process can lead to more willingness to try new foods, especially if parents and caretakers bring them along to farmer's markets to help pick out fruits and vegetables.

Finally, the HabEat project concludes that breastfeeding plays a vital role in the development of healthy eating habits.

Researchers found a positive correlation between the number of months an infant was breastfed and the quantity of fruit and vegetables he or she consumed during later childhood.

Parenting Guide 101

I wanted to share this parenting tips that has been viral on Facebook for quite sometime ago but never got the chance to really share it. 

It's a good initiative coming from this parent who shared the knowledge she received upon checking her son with a child psychiatrist. Some may have condemned her for not being knowledgeable. I guess, those who made the negative comments really being insensitive and arrogant.

Who would want to be a bad parents to their child. I'm sure everyone wants to be the best for their children - giving them the best that they deserve but sometimes, we overlook on things that we think is not important. I personally thank this parent who have the guts to share the knowledge. It's a reminder to me too. After all, knowledge is to be shared especially to us the new parents. 

You can read the full article here. It is very useful and please, share it with your friends.

Biasakan dan kerapkan bawak anak main pasir, buih, rumpur dan plastesin

This is to stimulate the brain and develop the child's sensory skills.

Don't expose to much things in the box 

TV, iPad, Phones, games & etc which I think is true. One example the she puts in her article is really an eye opener. A 4 year old boy seems to look unnormal especially his hands and legs because he was exposed too much to computer lights and touch screen. This has damaged the brain cells which lead to being unnormal. This is really a slap on my face. Iman plays with the iPad most of the time. She learns a lot - dancing, talking, ABC, Alif Ba Ta but I guess, I have to reduce the amount of time she spend on it. Although, it helps at some point, but I guess the exposure has to be limited.

Another way of addressing this is to watch and play the iPad (or any gadget) with the child. This will help to develop the interactions and NEVER leave the child and the iPad unattended. This will stop the child's development especially to their cells and nerves. 

Stimulate their imitation skills

According to the child psychiatrist, this is the biggest problem kids facing right now - lack of imitation skills which leads to low in vocab developments. There are few ways to overcome this - one of it is by saying a word and let the child imitate or drawing exercise.

Crawling is very important in child's development. Often we push our child to walk fast instead of crawling which is wrong. The longer period that one child crawls, the better it helps in her/his development. So, don't worry if your child never walks but be worried if your child crawls in just a short period of time. 

Iman crawled for a long period of time before she can finally walks which worried me much. I guess, it is not a bad thing after all. But if you experience this, don't worry. It is never to late to let your child crawls. They can still crawl even though they are in the walking phase. Just let them crawl like a tiger. 

Toys - It's Ok but NO superheroes or Monsters

ABC, lego, shapes, vehicles - they are fun and good for your child but not the superhero types. The way kids see things is different from us. They may take this literally and build a negative imagination through this superhero games unlike the actual toys which help a lot in building their vocabs.

Word first, sentences later

Elephant instead of This is elephant. Zoo instead of Lets go to the zoo. You get the idea!

Dealing with strangers.

Often, we hug our kids when they face fear when meeting strangers. Other way of dealing with it is to make it looks fun instead of not doing anything. Make them "High-5" the stranger and make it looks Ok! to do it. This will change the child's perception that the stranger is not a stranger after all.

Never scold you child.

This is the one thing that I always tell myself. Never to scold Iman if she did something wrong. Explain to her in the nicest manner on the reasons of her behaviour - right or wrong. They are still small and they don't understand things. Explanation helps!

Overly-attached to one person is not a good sign.

Something is wrong with your child's self-esteem. They need to mingle well especially with the other family members.

Follow your child's interest - Not Yours!

If you child wants to play ball, let them be. Don't change. It will confuse them much. 

Last but not least, bagi pilihan jawapan to enhance communication skills

Never let your questions being unanswered. If you ask your child why she/he doesn't want to eat, don't just let your child keep quiet. Instead, give them options - are you still full? You don't like the food? something like that. It will eventually help them to develop their communication skills.

But of course, there are other ways that you can see and check based on your child's behaviour. This is just a simple tips and guides on how to deal with your growing up kids. It's a reminder for me to always check on Iman's too. Check and balance. 

Iman & Play School

Last August, Iman started her 1st play school session with SIM Kindermusik. We, my mother actually, got to know about this play school when she attended one of the kids exhibition at GE Mall quite some time ago and SIM Kindermusik was one of the exhibitor. They have a very interesting program for kids development and since Iman has no one to play with except for her Kakak nanny, we decided to enrol her with the play school. After all, her class is just once a week and it is over the weekend. At least, ada lah juga activity yang boleh dilakukan oleh si kecil itu.

Each week, there will be different activities conducted by the facilitator and everything is based on music. This is to give an idea to the baby/toddler how to do things - greeting, shake hands, dance, do the ups and downs etc and with music, it will eventually captures the interest of the baby. And of course, the parents is there to do the activities as well and trust me, it's very tiring macam tengah workout 1 jam.

It is not just any ordinary play school. After few sessions, I could see the changes in Iman's development/movement. She can do a lot of things on her own and she knows what is for what. She can identify the sound that she listen to, she develop interest especially when it comes to music. And that explain why she loves Barney so much and she can imitate things very fast. Plus, ada kawan-kawan so Iman takdelah jakun sangat bila jumpa orang lain which was so much different compared to before. Dulu, jumpa orang pon tak nak sekarang, super peramah pulak. It helps her to build her confident level.

Of course, it is not solely because of the program. But with the concept that they teach every week, I believe it gives good impact to Iman's growing development.

And after 8 classes, Iman finally graduated today. Yey!

How I wish I can still continue with this program but unfortunately, I have to stop her for a while. I have my other commitment (studying) hence, need to put Iman's play school on hold for a semester. But definitely will continue again next year and it will be on the different level pulak since she'll be 2 soon. 

I have to admit that I am one of those kiasu mom. With Iman's enrolment on this program doesn't mean that I want to pressure my daughter to be someone smarter but this program helps in way that Iman can learn, play and mix with her friends. At least, she does not feel lonely. Dahlah duduk rumah berkawan dengan orang tua-tua.

Of course, I want her to grow up and enjoy her childhood years as much as possible and that is why I will continue in enrolling her with this program supaya dia boleh bermain dengan bijaknya.

So momsies, if you're looking for a place for your children to "play", I recommend SIM Kindermusik. You can always log on to their website to check on their listed programs and check which one is suitable for your children.

Have a nice weekend momsies. 

Breastfeeding 101

Alhamdulillah, I was fortunate to be able to breastfeed Iman even until today. But of course, there were times when the supply was low and the demand was super high. There were also times when I can simply throw the half-drink milk. There were times when I'm caught-up with work I missed my pumping session sampai baju basah kuyup. There were times when I'm just being lazy to pump, hence less no. of bottle for that day. My time and day include extra half and hour for the pumping session. 

There are 4 of us in the office who expressed milk everyday. Kenalah berebut nak duduk dalam bilik tu. Kadang-kadang, both of us sit next to each other facing the other way round to express milk. Memang menarik ketika duduk berdua. Confirm, susu tak keluar banyak.

I must say that it was indeed a challenging-tough-job to be a breastfeeding mom. Kiasu to the max, I tell you! But the good thing is, you sure know that you only give your baby the best milk in the world. Alhamdulillah, Iman takdelah sakit serious sepanjang minum breast milk. Sakit biasa-biasa tuh ada lah (biasalah nak membesar bagaikan johon mestilah ada sakit sikit-sikit) but alhamdulillah, she is one big healthy baby, syukur!

me, once upon a time ago.

And, very economic too. Itu paling penting. I do not have to be worried to go get Iman her formula milk powder. Formula milk powder is very expensive nowadays as if it was made by gold powder. Sigh!

After more than 14 months, I decided to mix formula milk & breastmilk. Ini semua gara-gara Iman refuses to drink milk in the bottle (that's another battle for first time mom to encounter, good luck!). Dah berbagai jenis botol susu dah di beli and it shows no signs of improvement. So, I give-up! Breast milk is to be added into her morning cereal and the formula milk is to be served twice a day - morning & night. She still refuses milk in the bottle, so she drinks the milk in a cup. Kira bagus jugaklah tuh. At least she drinks milk.

Slowly, I reduced the number of time to express milk because the demand is low (super low!) but I keep on adding the supply. At the end, supply melimpah ruah. 

At 18 months, I have totally stop expressing but I still direct feed Iman.

Now, I want to stop breastfeeding entirely and I want to train Iman to stop asking for my boobies. Yes, she can't live without my boobies. To the extend that she wants it not for the milk but for leisure. Kadang-Kadang Selalunya, I can't do anything just because Iman nak bergayut and it gets difficult to move. Kalu tak bagi, she can just throw tantrum (sebab dah pandai buat). She knows where to get it - simply angkat my baju. Not that I don't like the way she does it but she's already feeling comfortable with it and I foresee that if I don't start training her now, she will never stop asking for it. She's turning 2 soon, so yea...

The question is now, how can I do it - the hard way or the super slow way?

Some people suggested that I put something on my breast (like chilli powder or coffee powder) for Iman to taste it and eventually she will stop asking for it. Kau gila letak chilli powder? Mau terbakar breast nanti. 

Some people suggested that I talk to Iman that it is not her time anymore to breastfeed - but that's going to be super slow man!

How can I do it? Mothers? Anyone? Help!