The end of maternity leave

Pejam celik, pejam celik, this week is the final week of my 3 months maternity leave. Macam sekejap naw rasanya. Not going to lie but I am actually looking forward to be back to work. 3 months is a very long time for me. I went kuku (seriously, not lying). Nasib baik tak ambik 6 months leave. Boleh jadi gila kot!

But I miss being around my babies. I miss doing house work. I miss being a stay-at-home-mom. I learned a lot while staying at home. I give my full respect to all SAHMs. You guys are so amazing. Memang tak menang tangan. Bangun pagi je dah ada benda nak buat. I wake up very early in the morning to pump. Then, I get Iman to get ready for school. Dengan Iman je akan berperang 1 jam nak settle dia sampailah dia keluar rumah, naik kereta dan pergi sekolah. Lepas tu baru I have time for my breakfast itu pun if Irdina tak bangun. Things will be out of hands bila both of them decided to bangun secara berjemaah. Dengan mana nak uruskan dulu. Siapa nak mandi dulu. Siapa yang akan menangis dengan kuatnya. Memang boleh jadi Hulk but then, bila dah settle, the house will become very quiet, sigh!

After that comes all the house chores - jemur kain, kemas bilik, kemas dapur. I usually mandi around 3pm everyday. Life memang macam fixed routine. Petang siap-siap prepare for minum petang for everyone including Iman. Another round of berperang with Iman. Fixed routine. Malam memang rasa penat gila. PENAT GILA! I think maybe because I just gave birth but memang seriously PENAT GILA!.

Don't get me wrong. I'm looking forward to going back to work bukan sebab tak nak buat kerja rumah. But I guess, I am the type of person who works not the type yang stay at home. I will have emotional instability kalau duduk rumah lama-lama. I prefer to stay out of the house and still buat kerja rumah bila balik. I prefer that way. But yes, you SAHMs are amazing. AMAZING!!!!

Within this short break, there are 2 most important things that I managed to settle which I plan to write about it satu-persatu. 

1. Settled PTPTN - will defintiely write about this
2. Register Iman sekolah darjah 1 - will write about it but not now.

Sangat rasa berbangga especially #1. Macam ringan rasa sebelah tangan.

3 months break has open-up a new life's perspective for me. I can actually save up a lot of my money if I know how to manage my financial expenses. Duduk rumah 3 bulan I managed to decrease my credit card amount. Well, kenalah tahan nafsu berbelanja and I am pretty much determine now to reduce it even further. Kalau boleh I want to just keep it to pay up my monthly insurance bill and duit minyak. Lain-lain perbelanjaan guna duit gaji - kalau ada duit beli, takda duit duduk diam-diam. I need to start saving again. Dulu simpan duit lepas tu keluar. Not sustainable at all. Now, it has to be more sustainable. Again, tahan nafsu berbelanja. I have 2 kids now. Handbag mahal tunggu bonus *teehee*

So yes, goodbye SAHM, hello Corporate World.

Off Motherhood

It's been 82 days since I upgraded myself to a new status. From a mother of 1 to a proud mother of 2 healthy growing girls. So far, it has been great - challenging and tough but great. I have to admit that I struggle a bit (a lot actually). Time ni memang sesuai sangat nak guna #thestruggleisreal sebab the struggle memang REAL. 

My expectation of Iman being a big sister hancur musnah right after I gave birth. She looked OK at first. Sedikit clueless of who the baby is but after few days, she started to show tantrum. Iman used to be very independent. At her age, she is already able to do a lot of things on her own. Hence why at first I wasn't worried about having the second baby. Tapi semuanya berubah bila baby dah balik rumah and my time is mostly spent with the baby - feeding, bathing and all. Iman started to become jealous of her baby sister. And until today, she is not able to accept the sharing part lagi. This, I believe is also due for the fact that she has been the only child for 5 long years. 

As a mother, I have to admit that I am still struggling to manage both girls. How do I divide my love to both of them equally? Do I need to divide my love? What if I choose not too? Will they feel equally loved? How do I make sure that both of them will never ever feel less loved? Can I be fair to both of them? Will they get equal fair treatment? 

These are all the questions playing in my head which I obviously have no answers yet.

I know.... I know.... 82 days is still very new. I still have ample of time to readjust. But hey, the faster I fix it the better isn't it? 

My toughest challenge right now is to get Iman to get use to the idea of sisterhood. Calling herself "kakak" and the baby "adik" does not get her the idea/feeling of being a big sister. Clearly, she is struggling too. She feels less loved as it is translated clearly in all of her actions. She constantly seeking for everyone's attention. Masalahnya, takda siapa pon yang kasi less attention to her but I believe as a kid, she feels it.

Tried to slow talk with her but I think she refused to listen and understand. I have been very hard on her for the past few weeks. Ye lah, baru lepas bersalin kan. Penatnya lain macam and so very often that I scolded her unintentionally. Of course, I feel guilty after that but I just can't help it. Slowly, right now I try to control my temper as I believe that I need to be in Iman's shoes just till things are back to normal.

Motherhood does not come in manual. It is always try and error. I believe Allah granted me this "challenges" as He knows that I can do it. It is the matter of HOW which is totally up to me. I just need to have faith in everything that I do. Well, as easy as it sounds, it is not easy at all. It will never be easy. It is a continuous life learning process. They are my harta dunia dan akhirat and it is my responsibility to shape them no matter how hard it is. I ain't superheroes. Challenges come and go. There will be bad days and of course good days. I just need to embrace it. It will never be easy. IT WILL NEVER BE.

#thestruggleisreal

They are the love of my life. Always and forever. Dunia dan akhirat.

My secondborn Irdina Alexandria Bt Muhamad Izwan

On 1st June 2016, I finally pee-ed on the stick again. Similarly like the previous one, I had a sudden high fever the night before. Somehow I had this strange feeling of being pregnant. In fact, I told my colleagues the day before that maybe.... just maybe I might be pregnant right now. We were in the midst of preparing an advance Hari Raya celebration the day before for our then Communication Director when I told them about this strange feelings. Sekali malam tu demam menggigil. Went to the clinic for a quick check up sebab I was feeling very very weak and the doctor confirmed that I have super high fever. Time tu tak check pon pregnancy test. Came out from the clinic, I went straight to Watson and bought myself the test kit. Balik rumah check, confirmed!

I didn't know at what week I was at that time sebab check dengan pregnancy test kit cap Watson je. We delayed our gynae's appointment sebab kena balik kampung that week for my sister in law's engagement. But I think it was around week 3/4 sebab I had my period before that.

We (I actually) weren't planning for the second one to happen last year. I was having my menstrual and the cycle seems to be normal. Funny thing was, Iman has been calling herself "Kakak" few weeks before that. She even mentioned that some of her toys are for her "adik". And I didn't even thought for a second that maybe I am pregnant. 

Little that I know, Izwan was actually hoping for this pregnancy. The joy on his face was really...... priceless when I told him the news. I on the other hand was in denial.........

9 months passed and I have to say that it was the worst pregnancy ever. I had continuous morning sickness for a period of 9 months. I was admitted to the hospital during the first trimester due to dehydration. I was on bed rest for close to a month due to the morning sickness. Nasib baik time tu dapat boss yang memahami. I was working from home most of the time. I lost 8kg during the first trimester. Memang muka cengkung macam orang sakit. The experience was totally different from Iman. For a second, I thought I was having a boy sebab perasaan and keadaannya sangat berbeza.

My personality changed totally. I became very impatient. Dahlah memang kurang kadar kesabaran tambah pulak dengan pregnant, it doubled up the impatient-ness. I was being angry all the time. This one due to work stress. I hated my boss, I hated the agency people, I hated the brand people, semualah. My hormone sangat imbalance. I was full of hatred. Benci semua orang. I hated myself at one point. I feel like shit. I look like shit. Memang haywire.

Fast forward to 37 weeks and 5 days, on a Saturday afternoon I (we) went for my last checkup before delivery. I was already dilated 2.5cm but the gynae advised us to go home and come back at night sebab based on the previous record, my dilation progresses slowly. My gynae predicted that it is going to be the same as per Iman's and his prediction is SUPER accurate. 

We went jalan-jalan instead after checkup sebab it will be my last jalan-jalan before kena kurung. So we went to KLCC (tempat kesayangan), jalan-jalan and do our super last minute shopping for the baby and then baru balik rumah. Sempatlah buat repacking, mandi dan segalanya before serah diri. So after dinner around 10-ish, off we go to Ampang Puteri.

Checked in to the labour room and I was only 3.5cm dilated. So lepak-lepaklah dalam labour room. Contraction was half an hour gap but I wasn't feeling any pain at that time. Sempat lagi message-message orang and sembang-sembang with Izwan. He on the other hand, tengah prepare diri untuk tidur. 

Around 4ish am, the doctor came to check and I was only 5cm dilated with mild contraction. Masih bearable the pain. The doctor pecahkan air ketumban and immediately after that the contraction became very strong. Every 5 minutes gap. Since this is my second experience, it was more manageable. I managed to control the breathing time contraction datang but masyAllah, the pain sangat-sangat sakit. I opted for pain killer jer. Syukur alhamdulillah, at 5.37am, I have successfully delivered a healthy baby girl secara normal.

And yes, similarly like Iman, the only thing I said during labour was nak berak... nak berak... and nak berak. The doctor tak sempat nak suruh push pon, baby dah keluar sebab mak dia nak berak sangat. 

Azan subuh pon berkumandang sesudah delivered. Alhamdulillah, rezeki baby. Just like Iman, the baby was delivered on the 37th week and 5 day with 2.90kg weight and 49.5cm lenght.

Introducing you my second baby girl, Irdina Alexandria Bt Muhamad Izwan.

Syukur alhamdulillah, I would like to thank the team from Ampang Puteri Specialist Hospital, Dr. Marlik Abu and his team for doing a great job helping me throughout the whole delivery process. Although one of the senior midwife was being so ever strict with me, I believe she was doing her job though I ended up being traumatized by her (shall not write about her here). Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I received a good in-house services and I will continue to go with this hospital if ever I conceive again *batuk*batuk*kahak*. 

Alhamdulillah, I am a proud mother of 2. The pressure is on bebeh, so ONZ!

Postpartum Depression

Statistic shows that one out of ten pregnant women will be experiencing postpartum depression post natal delivery. Well, statistic is just numbers to justify the evidence in any conducted research studies but I believe this can happen to anyone including myself. As hard to admit, I experienced mild postpartum depression after I had my second child. Syukur Alhamdulillah, I managed to control myself supaya ia tidak melarat and thank god I do not feel delusional throughout the whole period of time.

You see, I'm the type of person who plans everything from work, daily routine, tasks, everything lah. I even prepared a backup plan just in case things does not work out accordingly. I plan so that I can maximize my time. The downside to this is that I become easily agitated and frustrated when my plans do not followed through. And as for this second pregnancy, since this is the second time being pregnant, I plan to improve my post-natal delivery from the first one. So I plan in what to do and what to prepare. Though my preparation was pretty much last minute but in my head I already had them prepared. Ok, this may sound silly but I'm that type of person who prepares everything.

Unfortunately, things don't work out according to the plans.

I went through my confinement by myself. Since this is the second one, I'm pretty much know what to do. So I opted for this option of going through it myself. Though I'm staying with my parents but the whole process is done by me. This is when it's all started. The pressure is on when Iman started to show tantrum right after I gave birth. The expectation of her being a big sister is not happening when she becomes so jealous of her baby sister. And due to this, the pressure hits me without knowing. Not blaming others but this one is really on me. I pampered her so much that she feels less loved especially from me hence, the tantrum. On top of that, my makcik urut decided to cancel on me at a very last minute. She got her friend to replace her but the service is not up to my expectation. I became agitated as I did not get what I want but I went through it anyways.

Days passed by but the frustration really hits me. I started to feel angry all the time. Lonely by the day but it gets better at night as everyone is at home. I become very tired and I started to blame Iman on this. Izwan was with me but somehow his presence doesn't help much. I feel very lonely and tired. I wasn't feeling happy. Worried most of the time. Worried over unnecessary things. I started to imagine bad things happening to my baby. The what ifs - what if I fall down when carrying the baby? What if the baby drown during bath time? What if suddenly I started to loose my mind while feeding the baby? All this started to play in my head.

The peak of it is when I started to become physical with Iman. Tidaklah sampai mendera but I started to cubit and pukul. I have never touched Iman bila marah but somehow I let out my anger at her. I feel angry all the time. I was being angry at Iman, at Izwan, at everyone and at everything. I refused to let anyone come and visit me. I just want to stay alone, away from everyone. That's when I realized that I am emotionally unstable and that I need to do something before it become uncontrollable.

I try to talk to Izwan about it but at the same time, I failed to let him help me. My emotional become very unstable that I started to shut him out from me.

Acknowledging the sickness, I took a few step back and review myself and try to fix it before it is too late.

1. Acceptance. Deep in my heart I know that I wasn't ready to have a second child. During pregnancy, it took me awhile to accept the fact that I was caring one due to the fact that I had a very tough pregnancy. I experienced morning sickness throughout the whole 9 months. I was being angry throughout my pregnancy. I blame the hormone. I wasn't really feeling happy at that time. It got worst when I can't fit my old clothes anymore. And I became very angry for not being able to accept the fact that my body is changing. The anger stays till delivery.
2. Forgiving. The midwife that was helping me during labour wasn't really helping me much (that's what I felt at that point of time). I was traumatized because of her. She wasn't being friendly. I know she is doing her job but c'mon, it doesn't hurt anyone by being nice/friendly. Your patient is already in pain. Do not add in anymore pain to her.
3. Social media. I got caught out with the whatsapps group messages. I felt left out with all the fun that the work group is having. I got jealous of the good stuff that other people is having from the view of FB and instagram whereby I on the other hand is stuck in the house.
4. Control-freak. I can't change who I am. It's good to plan but it is not good to set the expectation by yourselves. I told myself that I need to stop drinking coffee because it may affect the baby while feeding. But hey, it is not true. I drink coffee and my baby is doing just fine. I need to know myself better at this. I'm a coffee lover so don't ever stop drinking coffee. My milk production is doing just fine. My baby is feeding just fine. So far, takda lah angin ke apa ke.

These 4 factors I believe have contributed to the depression. I have to learn to accept even in the beginning stage of my pregnancy. I have to accept the fact that my body is not going to be the same again. I need to relax more. I was working so hard during pregnancy that may have caused the emotional instability. So relax Ajlaa. Work is just work!

Everytime after I perform my prayer, I pray that god ease my way. Minta jauh daripada hasutan syaitanirajim. Doa diberikan kekuatan Iman coz I know I was feeling very very weak spiritually during confinement. So I learn to forgive - everyone including Iman and Izwan. 

Nothing is happier in life to see that your family is also happy. I forgive, be more calm, less controlling (worrying) and seek for Allah's guidance in order to overcome the depression. Syukur alhamdulillah, I'm better now. I am calmer now.

Postpartum depression is a serious issue. The awareness is still very low among our society. Family members (husband especially) tend to take this lightly. The person may look physically happy but deep down, she may be fighting with her emotions. This is something that is not visible physically. It can be dangerous for the patient if it is not treated well. Itu yang sampai ada yang membunuh bayi sendiri or killed herself due to the pressure. And it is not something that is easily confessed also. Hence, it is very important for the husband to always, always help the wife out. Paling mudah is to always communicate. Tanya isteri if ada apa-apa yang boleh dibantu. Don't let her drown herself down.

We mothers are not superheroes. We are not perfect either. It is not wrong to seek help if we feel that we need to. We are mothers. We have our flaws.

My two angels

Introducing you to my two angels - Iman Alexandria (5) and Irdina Alexandria (79 days).

May they grow and be the Solehah dunia and akhirat, Amin

Oh my... 2017

Assalamualaikum and salam sejahtera. Oh gosh, it's been almost a year since my last post. Rasanya memang macam dalam setahun adalah beberapa posts sahaja before I start to abandon this blog again. Ada niat nak close it down permanently but somehow it never happened. The idea of keeping it alive is still going strong but to remain inactive. Ntah macam mana, tiba-tiba terbuka blog yang penuh bersawang ni. Luckily, I still remember the username and password and tergerak pulak hati nak update post hari ni. Oh my, I really, really miss blogging. Maybe I should start blogging again. Dok cakap benda ni every year but in the end, this blog is left untouched.

So, since we are here, quick update on everything that happened for the past 1 year. 

Overall, life is great, syukur Alhamdulillah. I gave birth to my second child last January 2017. This deserves its' own post. Will write about it separately. Hopefully, this won't be my last post for the year *teehee*. The experience is totally different from Iman's. Ahh, will definitely write about it. So now that my little family has grown, tanggungjawab pun semakin besar lah kan?! Can't believe that I'm a mother of 2. Rasa diri ni masih lagi macam budak-budak. Maybe I've grown my maturity tapi cuma tak terasa sahaja. Young at heart gitew, ahaks!

Career-wise, 2016 have been another challenging yet rewarding year. Syukur Alhamdullilah, I recieved 2x promotions unexpectedly. Within a year and a half in service, I was rewarded with work promotion twice. Yang sebetulnya, ini betul-betul rezeki anak. Received the first promotion after I got to know that I was pregnant with the second child while the second promotion came weeks before I gave birth to Irdina. Memang rezeki anak-anak. Belom sempat untuk berkhidmat dah on maternity leave. By the way, I'm on 3 months maternity leave. Rasanya sungguh lama and I am now 2 weeks away from resuming back to work. Syukur rezeki yang Allah kurniakan. Now I have bigger responsibility to hold and the expectation is well, bigger now. Interesting things happen to my worklife. Shall update it once I'm officially on-board. It will be my biggest challenge now to report to a new boss whom used to be my ex-client. 

And finally, I completed my Masters and I am now waiting for my convocation date. Syukur yang tak terhingga, the journey finally ended after years of enduring it. I finally submitted my thesis 2 weeks before going into labour. It was really a pain in the a*se but Syukur ya Allah, I managed to score an A- and that brings to my CGPA of 3.43. Higher than time degree dulu weyh. Mak saya pon tak percaya. Now, speaking of being a Masters graduate, what are we planning to do with it? Honestly, parts of me feels like quitting the job to further to another higher education level (Read: PhD). But right now, I really feel like focusing on family and career. Enough of exams and classes. We'll see! But if ever I make the decision to further my studies, it will definitely be full-time (and abroad). No more study+kerja. Penat weyh.

That's it for now. Now that I am still on leave, will try to update on a daily basis. Kalau rajin. Kalau tak, tunggulah tahun depan.

Till then, Assalamualaikum. 

New Milestone, New Adventure

Last year, I did a test-run for Iman by sending her to the school. I failed big time. I have to admit, it was a wrong move all together. The reason I sent her at that time was because my wonderful helper went back to her hometown for 3 months and I was helper-less hence, the decision of sending Iman to the play-school.

Since there was no one to teman her coz everyone was not available - my mother, Izwan and me. Tak kan nak tinggalkan Iman with her atok. So, I sent her for a full day session at school. Morning is the usual schooling hours and noon onwards is merely like a nursery. Obviously, she did not used to the whole idea of being alone in the school, she ended up hating the school so much sampai dengar perkataan "School" pon tak boleh terima. She got sick after a week of this routine and she hated school immediately. Hate! BENCI! TAK SUKA!. My life turned upside down because of this. Alhamdulillah, my helper came back after 2 months of "leave". Pheww....

But the misery does not end there. I had to slowly introduce Iman to the idea of going to school. Because my end goal is for her to start enrolling with the school environment by 2016. Slowly, I have to make her to like to the idea of going to school. Slowly but surely - that's my mantra!

Lama-kelamaan, she started to want to go to school on her own. So November last year, I sent her to Brainy Bunch Wangsa Maju for a play-date. She went there just to play. Alhamdulillah, she liked it!

So in January 2016, she is fully on-board. I was so nervous but it turned out well. My goal of sending her bukan sebab nak Iman pandai ke apa. But to introduce her to schooling environment. To start developing her motor skills. To socialize. Ultimately, kalau nak pergi sekolah untuk pandai is by 6 years old. This is what I believe tapi tak tahu lah parents lain. For me, I don't want to force Iman. Pergi sekolah is for her to get use to the idea nanti dah betul-betul masa untuk sekolah, then barulah sekolah. Get it?

5 months passed and Alhamdulillah, she survived and still going strong.

I write soon on her school experience. Slowly but surely :)

Have a nice weekend peeps.

The wonderfulness of motherhood.

I had a crappy day today. I was stuck whole day doing budgeting. You do not want to do budgeting whole day but when you have 42 active brands, you need full concentration especially when your numbers are being reported to the senior management team. You do not want to report faulty numbers no?! I have to ensure that the numbers provided by my agency are accurate. I have to ensure that my team members also submitted the right set of media budget numbers. Trust me, you do not want to know this.

On top of that, I also need to manage some other irresponsible people who like to sit on things. Who like to cause delay on other people's job. Who just like to sit in the office makan gaji buta. Amat geram rasa di hati ini. Sesungguhnya, hari ini adalah bukan hari yang baik.

Memandangkan hari ini saya berpuasa ganti, so I left office quite early compared to other days. Left at 6.30pm sharp just to ensure that I reach home right on time for berbuka. Sesampainya di pintu rumah, Iman rushed to me naked (because it is about time for her to take her bath) with a card in hand. She handed me the card that she made today at school. Ok, clearly it is not her handwriting but the thoughts of her knowing it's actually a mother's day put me at awe.

This washed away all the crappiness I had earlier today. This really put a smile on my face. I almost cried receiving this beautiful.... beautiful card. 

The wonderful thing of being a mother. Syukur alhamdulillah.

Off Stay-home-mum or Working-Mum

There was an interesting topic on Mix FM this morning which resembles 100% of what I'm thinking, have thought and maybe considering to do in my life. The question that I believe most of us working mums have continuously asking ourselves whether should we indulge to it or not. Soalan antara hidup dan mati of being a stay-at-home mum or continue being a working-mum?

Ever since I had Iman, I have been telling myself, maybe it's about time for me to stop working and be a fulltime-stay-at-home-mum. I even had a conversation with Izwan pertaining to my needs on wanting to be a stay-at-home-mum. Working in the industry where time is very "precious" especially during the working days makes me constantly feeling guilty for leaving my family unattended. I spend most of my time at work and I only reach home when Iman is already in bed which then again makes me looks like an irresponsible parent. Hence why I have been doubting myself in pursuing my career and being a mum all at the same time. 

After much consideration and a little bit of consultation with the husband, I have decided to stick with being a working mum. It's tough but I believe I can do it.

I was reluctant at first and still with the idea of wanting to be a stay-at-home mum but then again, when I rethink of all the consequences, I should really stick to being a working mum for the betterment of our (my) family.

The unfulfilled feeling is just temporary - Syaitan yang selalu menghasut. As a mum, I have ensured that everything is in order. I have learnt (and mastered) to divide the working hours and the time that I should be spending with my family. Masa dengan keluarga is really a masa with keluarga. I know for the fact that I will be very busy during weekdays. And therefore, by the time I'm home, my time is fully spend for the family. Weekends memang dedicated for family. 

Eventhough my parents are there to help (yes people, I am still staying with my parents) but I do believe that the responsibility of managing my own family is in my hand. Yes, I'm forever grateful that I have a very understanding and a very helpful helper. But that does not mean that my duty as a mum is lesser. Iman is after all my daughter and it is my job to ensure that her wellbeing, education and life in general is in order.

Yes, money can't buy happiness but everything in this world needs money. Education needs money, petrol needs money, and let's not forget that money helps to serve food on the table. And therefore, I have to work to ensure that I can provide nothing but the best to my child(ren).

I know I've worked my way and I know some people have judged me for not being a good mum. What people sees is just the surface of it. They do not know what's inside and all that they can do is to judge and I shouldn't be fooled by the negativity.

As a person, I have my own achievement that I would like to achieve - career growth, life stability. I have my own ambition that I wish to accomplish. I don't see that having a family can be the barrier of me wanting to improve myself. It's complementing each other actually and therefore, I have to build a strong positive mind to ensure that both areas are being taken care off. Alhamdulillah, I have a supporting family and husband. Of course, there will be hiccups every now and then, but as long as I believe in it, Insya Allah, Allah will show me the way. Kerja itu juga ibadah. Kalau kita lakukan dengan ikhlas, insya Allah segalanya akan diberkati. 

Having said that, there is no wrong for those who want/decided to be a stay-at-home mum. Kerja yang amat mulia. This is just my point of you. You are open to agree to disagree.

A mum will always want the best for their family and only a mother will know what to do with her life.

Child labour: Iman sweeping the floor

Macam boleh kena tangkap je kalau baca post title.

Being sick is no fun, especially when you have 1,001 things to do/accomplish by end of the week because you need to attend your company's teambuilding activities over the weekend.

I have been a very good girl this year that I hardly fall sick. Checking on my medical record, the last medical leave I took was some time last February due to my never-ending sinus sickness. I have been taking my vitamins religiously and Alhamdulillah, kesihatan amatlah memberangsangkan. Penyakit yang tidak dapat di bendung adalah penyakit malas yang tidak dapat disangkal lagi. Hence why most of my annual leaves were the ELs. Oh, oppps!

Anyway, kembali kepada cerita sakit.

I am currently on 6 different medicines just to make sure that the flu, sore-throat and sinus are gone and that, I am fit for the weekend teambuilding. And while being sick, I took a day rest yesterday hoping that the virus will be gone. Lucky me, the best medicine I had yesterday was a very cute spontaneous action by Iman, trying to help out doing house chores. One of it was her attempt in sweeping the floor.

I have never enjoy falling sick but I did enjoyed my day rest yesterday.

And it makes me wonder, how children pick up things that we never really teach them. I don't remember teaching Iman how to sweep the floor. She spontaneously went to the kitchen, took the broom and started sweeping the floor. But, high possibility that she thinks the broom is a mop as her sweeping method looks like mopping.

She surprises me with her new discovery every day and it makes me a proud mum. She has not yet mastered with her vocab, but physically, she has done more than most kids her age. She enjoys jumping, she knows how to wipe the table (bertuahnya Ibu), she loves playing hide and seek (which is super tiring), she enjoys drawing (more towards conteng-conteng), she has mastered her ABCs and 123s cuma tak master Alif, Ba, Ta je lagi - still work in progress. Syukur, Alhamdulillah.

And that officially make me a proud mum!

Monday-not-so-blues

Assalamualaikum and good morning girls (I'm assuming my readers are all girls and I'm assuming that I actually have readers who read my crappy blog posts). How are you feeling today? Hopefully, you are feeling great as I am. 

Unlike any other Mondays, I'm actually feeling very energetic this morning. Like most mornings, I wake-up quite early to get my assignments done and a quick nap before getting myself ready for work. But somehow today, I did not dragged myself to work, oh well! oh well! Big improvement I would say.

I guess this is due to the fun times I had with my girl over the weekend. I was husband-less last weekend and I was left alone with Iman with my assignments piling up high like nobody's business. My aim was to get everything done so that I do not have to wake-up early every morning. And Allah SWT hears me. He gave me the most obedient daughter (surprise! surprise!) that accompanied me throughout my weekends just to make sure that I completed my assignments. Syukur, alhamdulillah.

I'm not saying that Iman is not obedient. She is! Normally, weekends is where she'll bullied me to play hide and seek, running/jogging non-stop in the house and non-stop nenen-ing but last weekend was totally different. All she did was sitting next to me quietly to teman me do my assignments. Good girl Iman, good girl!

I'm glad that I have such an understanding daughter. Semoga Allah lindungi Iman dan jadikan dia anak yang solehah. Amin

Have a nice week ahead girl. Just remember to take your vitamins.

World Toughest Job

I bet everyone has watched this ever interesting video and I'm sure most of us cried watching it.

This is what we called the power of advertising. 

We complaint much in our lives. We always think that we are being used and being under paid, in our working life. We think that we have that speciality in us that others don't hence, the demand. 

But we always forget that one person, one person who has it all. She does almost everything. She will always be there for us whenever we needed her. She spent most of her time making sure that we have everything that we needed. And often, we tend to over-used her speciality. We tend to take her for granted because we know that she will never, never leave us. 

And yes, she is our mother. The one person who understands us in and out.

So friends, do your job and appreciate that one person who loves you unconditionally.

I love you mom!

"Eat your veggies, Iman"

Watching my lil cousins growing up hating all the green veggies makes me want my children to not to hate them. I want to make sure that they love them as much as I do. I just don't get it why some people just don't like to eat veggies. There are very good - for your health mentally and physically.

A kiasu mom I am, I already started introducing Iman to all sorts of veggies every since her first day of consuming solids. I made broccoli, sweet potato, carrot puree for her. Of course, they were made separately and Alhamdulillah, she has no problem eating them. She even likes it she eats it raw. I boil the carrot/broccoli in a soup and she eats it with her hand. I just hope this eating behaviour stays forever.

With just a little bit of white meat, I'm turning Iman into a vegetarian I think! I guess I don't mind if she wants it too.

I guess I'm not really that kiasu mom, I found this article online on the importance of kids and vegetable which I believe is very useful especially for us the first time mums. (source: themalaysianinsider)

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Faced with a nine-month old who makes faces at anything green, or a toddler who throws a tantrum at the sight of a carrot, many parents are tempted to give up on getting their kids to enjoy veggies.

But the findings of the HabEat project – a multidisciplinary Pan-European study of how food behaviours are formed in infants and children – give parents plenty of reasons to persevere.

At the final symposium of the project, held in Dijon, France on March 31 and April 1, the research teams also presented practical recommendations for improving children's intake of fruit and vegetables.

Initiated in January 2010 by 11 partner organisations from five European countries, the HabEat project followed the eating habits of several cohorts of children (aged six months to six years) over a four-year period.

The goal: to understand how eating habits are formed and sometimes broken during the first years of life.

Using various psychological, epidemiological, behavioural and nutritional analyses, the project sought to identify the key mechanisms in the development of children's taste or distaste for certain foods.

At the end of the project, researchers' recommendations all centre around one essential point: children must be taught to enjoy fruits and vegetables at the earliest age possible.

The project's findings also emphasise the importance of diversity in the diet, suggesting that children should be introduced to a wide variety of fruits and vegetables early on.

For better chances of success, researchers advise introducing only one new fruit or vegetable per meal, without combining them.

Parents should act as role models during the process, encouraging their child to appreciate fruits and vegetables without forcing them.

In fact, coercive techniques and reward-based motivations ("Eat your sprouts and you'll get cake") can be counterproductive, as they alter a child's natural ability to gauge hunger and satiety, leading to a risk of compulsive eating and obesity later in life.

It is better to trust the child's appetite, however fickle it may be. Sometimes, the same vegetable may be offered and rejected eight to 10 times over the course of a few weeks before a child finally takes a liking to it.

For older children, being involved in the cooking process can lead to more willingness to try new foods, especially if parents and caretakers bring them along to farmer's markets to help pick out fruits and vegetables.

Finally, the HabEat project concludes that breastfeeding plays a vital role in the development of healthy eating habits.

Researchers found a positive correlation between the number of months an infant was breastfed and the quantity of fruit and vegetables he or she consumed during later childhood.

The greatest thing about being a mom

After a very long day at work and,

After the long drive battling with the traffic jam,

It feels so good to be back home 

watching the lil muchkin feeling so happy stylo-mylo playing with her toys

I may have done something right in the past to deserve this.

Alhamdulillah, hilang penat serta-merta.

Thank you Allah for giving me the best gift ever, my daughter, Iman Alexandria.

The Helper

Being a working mum is definitely the toughest job in the world. One has to divide her time equally between work and family. Often, a working mum struggles because clearly it always been spending more time on work than with the family. And I have to admit, I am one of those working mum. Hence, having a helper is very important especially when you're away for work.

When I was pregnant, I told my parents that I don't want to send my future children to the nursery because one, with the recent cases of babies found dead under the care of the nurseries, I'm traumatized. I do not want to face that kind of situation, nauzubillah minta simpang! Two, hygiene factor; There are too many children under their care hence the surrounding is questionable and lastly, security reasons. Engaging with a full time maid is also not our option unless if we desperately couldn't find any helper.

When Iman was born, my husband and mother took turn looking after Iman. Izwan was still engaged with Astro then hence his working hours was more flexible. My mother will look after Iman in the morning and Izwan in the afternoon. 

Luckily, at that time, we managed to find a reliable helper. Her name is Rita. She works as a cleaner at a school nearby and she'll come by our house in the afternoon to look after Iman. She was our helpful helper for almost a year. We actually wanted to take her as our full time helper but unfortunately, her employer doesn't allow her. And since she has to work two shifts now (morning and afternoon), she can no longer come to our house to look after Iman. And there goes another round of searching for a helper.

We were going up and down searching for a helper. Like I mentioned, engaging with a full time maid is not our option. Dengan case yang bukan-bukan lagilah tak nak ambik maid. Dengan berkat usaha dan bantuan, Alhamdulillah we managed to find one helper who can work full time. By full time means, 8 hours job. She does not need to stay with us. She will only need to come in the morning and we'll send her back at night when everyone is back from work. Mula-mula tak convince juga sebab dia muda sangat. Tapi, Alhamdulillah, sangat reliable. She is like a family to us now.

Her name is Linda. She's turning 20 this year, I think. Very young. She can't speak BM that fluent but she understands English very well. She has been Iman's best friend for a year now. She has been a very helpful helper, MasyaAllah, I owe it to her. If it wasn't because of her, I don't think I can survive this motherhood. I would probably have to quit my job and do not sign-up with the Masters programme. She has been treating Iman very well. And because of that, we treat her like our own family members. Tapi yang sedihnya, she only wants to jaga Iman until Iman turns three lepas tu she plans to balik kampung (Indonesia). I hope she'll change her mind.

Kadang-kadang, susah nak cari orang yang boleh dipercayai. Tapi bila dah jumpa, bersyukur sangat. Sebab tu, I don't mind paying her extra or get her gifts every time I'm out for holiday. I don't think she'll ever read this but if she does (memang taklah kan), I hope she knows how thankful we are for all the help she has put in, looking after Iman when we're not around. Thank you so much! Moga Allah saja yang membalas jasa baik kamu sekeluarga. Amin.

That Hug

Despite the joy of having 3 working days only this week, it has yet be the most challenging week for me. A special day became a non-special day (and I guess, there'll be no more special day on that particular date) and it has been nothing but a fight for me to go through each day with tears coming down my cheek every single night.

I have become so weak, I broke down in tears so badly last night for almost an hour.

Amazing things happened after that, MasyaAllah. Allah maha besar dah maha mengetahui. 

I told myself that what ever happens after this, I shall take it and handle it rationally. And if things doesn't go my way, I will Redha because I know Allah is the best planner for all His ummah and I shall take it with an open arms. I will try! This was the conversation I had with myself while being all teared up just to push myself to stop crying. 

At that instant, Iman woke up with her eyes closed, facing me for 5 mins before she finally hugged me to sleep. That hug, that hug was all I needed and that hug washed away all the pain. That hug saved me from my tears. That hug made me realized that there is a soul who love me unconditionally and who will forever be mine. Even until now, I can still feel that hug. I cried, cried for the fact that I have forgotten that soul, that soul who I love the most.

She positioned herself comfortably and we were all cuddling throughout the night, MasyaAllah. Allah maha mendengar.

Iman Alexandria is the best ever gift Allah has given to me. She completes me. She is my everything. She understands me in so many ways. She reminds me of ME. She is the reason why I have been pushing myself so hard. I want to give everything to her; the best education, a good life dunia dan akhirat, InsyaAllah.

I will never forget that hug. That hug that have washed all the pain away. That hug that reminds me of love; my daughter's love. That hug that forever be mine, InsyaAllah.

Iman Alexandria turns 2

Two years ago, I was in a battle, fighting for the life of my loved one in a labour room of Ampang Puteri Specialist Hospital. And to be honest, at that time, I wasn't sure if I'm actually ready to be a mother; raising a child in this very challenging world. What if I turn out to be so bad in this motherhood world? What if I fail in raising my children to be a good person? What if I don't have the capabilities in being a good mother? All these what ifs have been playing in my head hours before I gave birth to my baby girl.

But I guess, Allah is the best planner for His ummah. And He knows that I can do it. I turned out to be just fine - still struggling, learning, fighting with myself raising my growing up baby girl.

And today, my baby girl turns 2, Alhamdulillah.

It has been a very challenging years - watching her grow day by day. It's amazing how you can love someone so much and never want that feeling to ever go away. Loving her has taught me to be patient. There is no greater love than a love from a mother to her child because she means the world to me. She is my life.

So Iman Alexandria, Happy birthday to you. I wish you all the best in the world and I pray (and I pray hard) that you will be a solehah to your dad and me, Insya Allah. You mean the world to us. And I promise to always be there for you through your ups and downs, to be there to experience all of your firsts - first day of school, first boyfriend (eh?), first dentist check-up, first bus-ride and etc because my love for you is unconditional. Love you to the moon and back.

Parenting Guide 101

I wanted to share this parenting tips that has been viral on Facebook for quite sometime ago but never got the chance to really share it. 

It's a good initiative coming from this parent who shared the knowledge she received upon checking her son with a child psychiatrist. Some may have condemned her for not being knowledgeable. I guess, those who made the negative comments really being insensitive and arrogant.

Who would want to be a bad parents to their child. I'm sure everyone wants to be the best for their children - giving them the best that they deserve but sometimes, we overlook on things that we think is not important. I personally thank this parent who have the guts to share the knowledge. It's a reminder to me too. After all, knowledge is to be shared especially to us the new parents. 

You can read the full article here. It is very useful and please, share it with your friends.

Biasakan dan kerapkan bawak anak main pasir, buih, rumpur dan plastesin

This is to stimulate the brain and develop the child's sensory skills.

Don't expose to much things in the box 

TV, iPad, Phones, games & etc which I think is true. One example the she puts in her article is really an eye opener. A 4 year old boy seems to look unnormal especially his hands and legs because he was exposed too much to computer lights and touch screen. This has damaged the brain cells which lead to being unnormal. This is really a slap on my face. Iman plays with the iPad most of the time. She learns a lot - dancing, talking, ABC, Alif Ba Ta but I guess, I have to reduce the amount of time she spend on it. Although, it helps at some point, but I guess the exposure has to be limited.

Another way of addressing this is to watch and play the iPad (or any gadget) with the child. This will help to develop the interactions and NEVER leave the child and the iPad unattended. This will stop the child's development especially to their cells and nerves. 

Stimulate their imitation skills

According to the child psychiatrist, this is the biggest problem kids facing right now - lack of imitation skills which leads to low in vocab developments. There are few ways to overcome this - one of it is by saying a word and let the child imitate or drawing exercise.

Crawling is very important in child's development. Often we push our child to walk fast instead of crawling which is wrong. The longer period that one child crawls, the better it helps in her/his development. So, don't worry if your child never walks but be worried if your child crawls in just a short period of time. 

Iman crawled for a long period of time before she can finally walks which worried me much. I guess, it is not a bad thing after all. But if you experience this, don't worry. It is never to late to let your child crawls. They can still crawl even though they are in the walking phase. Just let them crawl like a tiger. 

Toys - It's Ok but NO superheroes or Monsters

ABC, lego, shapes, vehicles - they are fun and good for your child but not the superhero types. The way kids see things is different from us. They may take this literally and build a negative imagination through this superhero games unlike the actual toys which help a lot in building their vocabs.

Word first, sentences later

Elephant instead of This is elephant. Zoo instead of Lets go to the zoo. You get the idea!

Dealing with strangers.

Often, we hug our kids when they face fear when meeting strangers. Other way of dealing with it is to make it looks fun instead of not doing anything. Make them "High-5" the stranger and make it looks Ok! to do it. This will change the child's perception that the stranger is not a stranger after all.

Never scold you child.

This is the one thing that I always tell myself. Never to scold Iman if she did something wrong. Explain to her in the nicest manner on the reasons of her behaviour - right or wrong. They are still small and they don't understand things. Explanation helps!

Overly-attached to one person is not a good sign.

Something is wrong with your child's self-esteem. They need to mingle well especially with the other family members.

Follow your child's interest - Not Yours!

If you child wants to play ball, let them be. Don't change. It will confuse them much. 

Last but not least, bagi pilihan jawapan to enhance communication skills

Never let your questions being unanswered. If you ask your child why she/he doesn't want to eat, don't just let your child keep quiet. Instead, give them options - are you still full? You don't like the food? something like that. It will eventually help them to develop their communication skills.

But of course, there are other ways that you can see and check based on your child's behaviour. This is just a simple tips and guides on how to deal with your growing up kids. It's a reminder for me to always check on Iman's too. Check and balance. 

Sunday with Iman Alexandria

Last Friday marked the last day of the 3rd semester. I couldn't be happier. Alhamdulillah, it wasn't as stressful as the previous semester though. It's .... manageable. In fact, it was the best semester comparing to the other 2 previous semesters. Both our Media & Marketing Management group assignments were being picked as the top with highest marks compared to the other groups. Syukur! Syukur! I owe it to the group members. They were awesome!!

Anyways, as a celebration to the end of my 3rd semester, I decided to do a spring cleaning on Saturday and a day out with my lil munchkin on Sunday. I finally got the time to clean my room. My god, it was totally an embarrassment to see how dirty my room was. Cleaned, mopped and rearranged the room - full of satisfaction. I even hand-mopped the stairs. Semangat bukan!

The initial plan was to bring Iman to the park on Sunday. The usual KLCC park tapi ntah macam mana the plan got changed to a shopping spree in KLCC. 

A must mother-daughter selfie

Tak habis penat, baru saja sampai rumah, the boys came yesterday and oh boy, Iman was so happy to see her favourite uncles.

Anyways, I have approximately a month break before the beginning of the 4th semester and I am sure going to spend every second of it with my lil munchkin. 

She is turning 2 soon. Though, it is not going to be a big celebration this time around but I hope she likes it (I doubt she remembers). Mom is planning to have her celebration at school. Will see how it goes. 

We are heading back to Kedah on the 28th. Kesian tokma dia dah lama tak jumpa and we are really at fault for rarely going back to Kedah. It's time to spend some quality time with the other side of the family.

And to those who are already heading up to their hometown for the long Christmas/New Year break, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Be safe and enjoy your holidays.

#mylittlefamily

Hello and Assalamualaikum. Hope everyone has a beautiful (oh, maybe not beautiful but a good) Monday. Hope that your "Monday blues" is manageable. Mine?! I decided not to care much but rather to just go for it. Work is piling up high and not to forget the assignments. But yea, what's new? It's basically the same old, same old story. So, deal with it, right?!

So anyway, as shown on the above picture, my daughter and husband were enjoying their pool time together. Despite the whole drama-show-tantrum that she put us into, yesterday was in deed a fun-good time together for all of us.

Being a mother requires a lot of patience and I am not giving up just yet. Sabar itu separuh daripada Iman dan Iman adalah anak saya. Jadi, sabar itu perlu. InsyaAllah, tanggungjawab itu akan di pikul sebaik mungkin.