For better or for worse

We celebrated our 5th anniversary last January. Pejam celik, pejam celik dah 5 tahun berumahtangga. And I must say, it is not easy to sustain a marriage; to sustain my marriage. It's true when they say, you only know your partner only when you sleep, shit and eat together.

Within this 5 years of being together, we have our fair share of ups and downs. It is nothing compared to the ones we had during our 5 years of "courting". The fights, the laughters, the disagreements, the happiness; they are all different. I learned a lot through it. I believe I'm more matured through it. 

So what I gained from this 5 years of marriage. A lot, a hell lot!

In all honestly, this marriage is so powerful coz at times, it able to pull my self-esteem down. It demotivates me to the level where I feel like I want to run away from everything and everyone. It also gives me the disappointment feeling which I have never felt before in my life. Despite the negativity, it is so wonderful that it able to change me to the most happiest person on earth just within split seconds. It motivates me to improve myself to be a better person. It teaches me patience. It teaches me to see things in a bigger perspective. It gives me courage to change myself to be a better person. The feeling is so .... priceless.

5 years, we almost lost it all. But I'm glad we are able to pull ourselves together and still holding our hands strong. I guess, it is a learning process for both of us. We need to understand each other better; our wants and needs. We have to understand that marriage is a team work. It is not a one person's job. It's a lifetime commitment between two person who believe in each other, that promise to be with each other through ups and downs; for better or for worse. 

Hidup senang bersama memang senang to achieve tapi hidup susah bersama adalah cabaran sebenar.

Preloved - COACH CROSBY CARRYALL IN LEATHER IN DARK BROWN

I'm making room for other stuff and I'm selling off this lovely pre-loved handbag.

The bag is still in a very good condition. Carried twice for less than 3 hours each occasion. The bag comes with a dustbag and an original guarantee card. The bag is still smell good. Bought at Coach KLCC Boutique early 2015.

I'm selling for RM1,800 (negotiable). Retail is selling at RM2,300.

PM is you are interested. COD within Klang Valley area. Email me at ajlaa0907@gmail.com

Photo Credit from Coach Malaysia website.

Photo Credit from Coach Malaysia Website

Corporate vs Agency

Last month, I celebrated my first anniversary with Nestle. It's been great so far - tough, challenging but overall, it's a very good experience.

To be honest, I am still adapting to this whole corporate world thing. It's my first experience working in a corporate world and I must say, it ain't easy. My first 6 years of working experience has been with an agency - local and multinational. The experience was nothing like how it is here in the corporate world. Even though my heart is still with the agency, but I don't think I would want to go back to where I was - to the agency. I've made up my mind long before joining Nestle that this is the way it is now for me. No turning back. Not till I get what I need to get/gain and where I need to be. And I have to be strong in order to stay.

Within this short period of time (yes, 1 year is still short period), I've experienced my ups and downs. I broke down once, end of last year coz I seriously feel that I can't take it anymore. It's mainly because I was working all alone by myself for three months straight and the pressure was overwhelming. I was literally running my department by myself. It was crazy. But all is well now, I hope!

My responsibility is bigger here in the corporate world compared in the agency. In agency, you have no time for politics. It's either you take it or leave it. No hangky-pangky. One's priority is to serve the client. That's the life of a media planner. Unlike here in the corporate world. One just need to know how to play the game.

Well, it is not always bad in the corporate world. There are so many opportunities and room for me to learn and grow. It's the matter of time. I just need to be focus and stay positive.

I'll write more. It's good to be back again here but it is not good to start with negativity. 2016's resolution is to write more walaupun dah nak dekat setengah tahun.

Good night for now.

Beribu Sesalan

Ku susuri, malam ini

Yang tidak berbintang, sunyi sepi

Juga rembulan, dan menghilang

Dalam kelam ku sendiri

Ku mencari, hembus bayu

Yang selalu berbisik, madah rindu

Kini membisu dalam sayu

Tidak ku temu suaramu

Kekasihku di jalanan yang berliku

Di saat ku perlukanmu

Tertutup jua segalanya terhadapmu

Di sini, ku tersedu-sedu

Setelah cinta pergi

Ku mengusung duka ini diiringi

Kisah janji, dimungkiri lagi

Sia-Siaku

Mencintaimu

Setia Padamu

Percayakanmu

Sebak dadaku

Retak hatiku

Luka jiwaku

Dihiris pilu

Off Stay-home-mum or Working-Mum

There was an interesting topic on Mix FM this morning which resembles 100% of what I'm thinking, have thought and maybe considering to do in my life. The question that I believe most of us working mums have continuously asking ourselves whether should we indulge to it or not. Soalan antara hidup dan mati of being a stay-at-home mum or continue being a working-mum?

Ever since I had Iman, I have been telling myself, maybe it's about time for me to stop working and be a fulltime-stay-at-home-mum. I even had a conversation with Izwan pertaining to my needs on wanting to be a stay-at-home-mum. Working in the industry where time is very "precious" especially during the working days makes me constantly feeling guilty for leaving my family unattended. I spend most of my time at work and I only reach home when Iman is already in bed which then again makes me looks like an irresponsible parent. Hence why I have been doubting myself in pursuing my career and being a mum all at the same time. 

After much consideration and a little bit of consultation with the husband, I have decided to stick with being a working mum. It's tough but I believe I can do it.

I was reluctant at first and still with the idea of wanting to be a stay-at-home mum but then again, when I rethink of all the consequences, I should really stick to being a working mum for the betterment of our (my) family.

The unfulfilled feeling is just temporary - Syaitan yang selalu menghasut. As a mum, I have ensured that everything is in order. I have learnt (and mastered) to divide the working hours and the time that I should be spending with my family. Masa dengan keluarga is really a masa with keluarga. I know for the fact that I will be very busy during weekdays. And therefore, by the time I'm home, my time is fully spend for the family. Weekends memang dedicated for family. 

Eventhough my parents are there to help (yes people, I am still staying with my parents) but I do believe that the responsibility of managing my own family is in my hand. Yes, I'm forever grateful that I have a very understanding and a very helpful helper. But that does not mean that my duty as a mum is lesser. Iman is after all my daughter and it is my job to ensure that her wellbeing, education and life in general is in order.

Yes, money can't buy happiness but everything in this world needs money. Education needs money, petrol needs money, and let's not forget that money helps to serve food on the table. And therefore, I have to work to ensure that I can provide nothing but the best to my child(ren).

I know I've worked my way and I know some people have judged me for not being a good mum. What people sees is just the surface of it. They do not know what's inside and all that they can do is to judge and I shouldn't be fooled by the negativity.

As a person, I have my own achievement that I would like to achieve - career growth, life stability. I have my own ambition that I wish to accomplish. I don't see that having a family can be the barrier of me wanting to improve myself. It's complementing each other actually and therefore, I have to build a strong positive mind to ensure that both areas are being taken care off. Alhamdulillah, I have a supporting family and husband. Of course, there will be hiccups every now and then, but as long as I believe in it, Insya Allah, Allah will show me the way. Kerja itu juga ibadah. Kalau kita lakukan dengan ikhlas, insya Allah segalanya akan diberkati. 

Having said that, there is no wrong for those who want/decided to be a stay-at-home mum. Kerja yang amat mulia. This is just my point of you. You are open to agree to disagree.

A mum will always want the best for their family and only a mother will know what to do with her life.