Beribu Sesalan

Ku susuri, malam ini

Yang tidak berbintang, sunyi sepi

Juga rembulan, dan menghilang

Dalam kelam ku sendiri

Ku mencari, hembus bayu

Yang selalu berbisik, madah rindu

Kini membisu dalam sayu

Tidak ku temu suaramu

Kekasihku di jalanan yang berliku

Di saat ku perlukanmu

Tertutup jua segalanya terhadapmu

Di sini, ku tersedu-sedu

Setelah cinta pergi

Ku mengusung duka ini diiringi

Kisah janji, dimungkiri lagi

Sia-Siaku

Mencintaimu

Setia Padamu

Percayakanmu

Sebak dadaku

Retak hatiku

Luka jiwaku

Dihiris pilu

Off Stay-home-mum or Working-Mum

There was an interesting topic on Mix FM this morning which resembles 100% of what I'm thinking, have thought and maybe considering to do in my life. The question that I believe most of us working mums have continuously asking ourselves whether should we indulge to it or not. Soalan antara hidup dan mati of being a stay-at-home mum or continue being a working-mum?

Ever since I had Iman, I have been telling myself, maybe it's about time for me to stop working and be a fulltime-stay-at-home-mum. I even had a conversation with Izwan pertaining to my needs on wanting to be a stay-at-home-mum. Working in the industry where time is very "precious" especially during the working days makes me constantly feeling guilty for leaving my family unattended. I spend most of my time at work and I only reach home when Iman is already in bed which then again makes me looks like an irresponsible parent. Hence why I have been doubting myself in pursuing my career and being a mum all at the same time. 

After much consideration and a little bit of consultation with the husband, I have decided to stick with being a working mum. It's tough but I believe I can do it.

I was reluctant at first and still with the idea of wanting to be a stay-at-home mum but then again, when I rethink of all the consequences, I should really stick to being a working mum for the betterment of our (my) family.

The unfulfilled feeling is just temporary - Syaitan yang selalu menghasut. As a mum, I have ensured that everything is in order. I have learnt (and mastered) to divide the working hours and the time that I should be spending with my family. Masa dengan keluarga is really a masa with keluarga. I know for the fact that I will be very busy during weekdays. And therefore, by the time I'm home, my time is fully spend for the family. Weekends memang dedicated for family. 

Eventhough my parents are there to help (yes people, I am still staying with my parents) but I do believe that the responsibility of managing my own family is in my hand. Yes, I'm forever grateful that I have a very understanding and a very helpful helper. But that does not mean that my duty as a mum is lesser. Iman is after all my daughter and it is my job to ensure that her wellbeing, education and life in general is in order.

Yes, money can't buy happiness but everything in this world needs money. Education needs money, petrol needs money, and let's not forget that money helps to serve food on the table. And therefore, I have to work to ensure that I can provide nothing but the best to my child(ren).

I know I've worked my way and I know some people have judged me for not being a good mum. What people sees is just the surface of it. They do not know what's inside and all that they can do is to judge and I shouldn't be fooled by the negativity.

As a person, I have my own achievement that I would like to achieve - career growth, life stability. I have my own ambition that I wish to accomplish. I don't see that having a family can be the barrier of me wanting to improve myself. It's complementing each other actually and therefore, I have to build a strong positive mind to ensure that both areas are being taken care off. Alhamdulillah, I have a supporting family and husband. Of course, there will be hiccups every now and then, but as long as I believe in it, Insya Allah, Allah will show me the way. Kerja itu juga ibadah. Kalau kita lakukan dengan ikhlas, insya Allah segalanya akan diberkati. 

Having said that, there is no wrong for those who want/decided to be a stay-at-home mum. Kerja yang amat mulia. This is just my point of you. You are open to agree to disagree.

A mum will always want the best for their family and only a mother will know what to do with her life.

Dreams do come true even after 20 years.

I'm sure most of us have gone through the days where one needs to fill up the form to include one's future profession/ambition - mostly during the primary school years kan?! And most of the time, we will definitely put the most famous-well-known profession/ambition - to either be a doctor (this one has the highest vote, I'm sure!) or a teacher (the easiest to think of). Yang terlebih bijak sikit may want to be a lawyer which I'm sure they know nothing about what a lawyer does for a living. Tapi, the most common ambition that most student will write on is to be a policeman/woman kan?

I wonder why takde student tulis wants to be an Engineer. Mungkin "Engineer" sounds so alien kot!

Growing up, I always dream of working with Nestle. Tak kesah lah kerja jadi apa. Pernah jugak terfikir nak kerja jadi minah kilang, janji minah kilang Nestle. Tapi, time fill up the form tu tak kan nak letak kerja kilang di Nestle. So like most of the common student, I will write a doctor or a policewoman.

So why Nestle? 

I'm the generation where most of the food that I consume are from Nestle. Pagi-pagi minum Milo Nestle. Recess hour makan chocolate waffle Nestle. Balik rumah makan ice-cream cap Nestle. Hari minggu pulak makan Maggi cap Nestle. So, practically, I grow up with Nestle. Hence why the idea of working with Nestle came about so that I can continue consuming food cap Nestle. 

Bila naik form 4, my interest was towards mathematics & accounting subjects. I wanted to be an Accountant because I know that was where my strength is. My dream does not stop there, I wanted to be an Accountant - a Nestle's Accountant. 

However, tuhan lebih mengetahui. I did not end up being an Accountant but I can proudly say that I am a Marketing Communication professional now.

So along the way, my dream of wanting to work with Nestle never stops. My working background involves in Communication industry whereby first 1.5 years of my career life was with a local creative agency. Continued with another 5 years experience with a Multinational Media Agency. I have served quite a number of big FMCG organizations hence, it encourages me to never give up my hope on Nestle.

Last year, I decided to make a career move. It was still in a planning stage as I wasn't sure whether it's good to do the move at that point of time. I feel that I needed a new environment and plus, I have been receiving quite number of job offers from other media agencies which involves good $$$ and position. But, money wasn't what I'm looking for. Dengan berkat doa (yes, I do believe in the power of doa), rezeki datang when someone from Nestle called to offer me a job.

The thing with Nestle is that they hardly appointed any position to outsiders. Priority is given to their internal employee hence, getting an employment with Nestle is very-very slim. 

Sedikit gembira datang when their HR personnel called to arrange for an interview session. Knowing that the chance is very slim, I wasn't really putting my hope high tapi berfikiran positif dengan mencuba. My first interview went very well. I even thought that I got the job sekali, they called again and I need to do the second interview with the Communication Director - a very well-known person in the industry. Berdebar jantung mak! 

The interview was held last November and I think with the facial expression received during the interview with the Communication Director, I feel positively that I won't be getting the job. Sedih sampai menangis kerana punahlah harapan dan cita-cita untuk berkhidmat dengan Nestle. Few weeks later, they called again and informed me that I got the job tetapi they need to get the HQ's approval which is in Vevey. So, tunggu punya tunngu, bulan berganti bulan, I still haven't receive any confirmation on the employment sampai di suatu hari di bulan March 2015, I finally received the employment letter from Nestle.

Bersyukur tak terhingga, the one thing that I have been dreaming off for the past 20+ years of my life have been granted and it is all because of the power of doa. And I'm proud of myself for never giving up on my hope for wanting to work with Nestle and I finally got it, yay, Alhamdulillah. 

So friends, don't ever giving up your hope. As long as you believe in it, Insya Allah, one day, you may get it! Tapi, kene lah berusaha. Rezeki tak datang bergolek begitu sahaja. Like the pepatah, bersusah-susah dahulu, bersenang-senang kemudian. 

And now, I can happily continue consuming Nestle's product dengan gembiranya, Alhamdulillah. A promise that I made to myself - tidak akan mensia-siakan peluang yang datang.

Hello 2015, why are being so tough on me?

It's been a while since I last posted anything on this blog. In fact, to be honest, I have totally forgotten about it. I was having hard time remembering my username, what more the password. Nasib baik tak kena barred. 

Anyway, I guess it is too late to wish everyone (cheh, bajet macam ada readers la kan!) a happy 2015 for the fact that we are already in June - half pass 2015. Another half year to go.

Tak sempat pon nak review 2014 which was a good - very good year for me. I don't think I remember what had happened in 2014 but to summarize things up, it was indeed a very good year. And for that, I foresee that 2015 is not going to be as good as 2014 which by far is very true!

I had a very tough first quarter of 2015. I will not go there again - let bygone be bygone. But everything starts to be picking up very well in the second quarter and I must say, dreams do come true.

As we all know, economically, we are being challenged left, right, front, back and centre. With the implementation of GST, the chaotic behaviour of our Idiotic Ministers (sorry, but I really have to write this) and the never-ending drama of 1MDB; our economy is currently seen unstable and that has brought to the downright of our Ringgit. As a worried citizen, I am not excluded in feeling the pain. Therefore, for me, 2015 is seen as a transaction year. A year where I have to be very mindful on my surroundings. A year where I have to learn to be a wise person in all aspects. A year where I have to learn to prioritize my wants and needs. A year for me to improve myself and to be a better person - mentally, and spiritually. 

Despite all that, 2015 (so far) has brought some light to my not-so-bright-tunnel. I have officially left the agency world (and the industry). Like I mentioned, dreams do come true and I shall write about it soon (I hope so!). And 2015 is a year where I will be venturing into the 3 series which I am so looking forward. Yes, unlike others, I am so looking forward to my 30th birthday. Ohh where are you July, come on!!

That's it for now. I thought of closing down this blog of mine tapi, I guess it's good to keep it. At least I have something to help me to improve my "England" - my England not so powderful

Take care everyone and Selamat berpuasa to my Muslim brothers and sisters. May this Ramadan brings barakah and hidayah to all of us and a platform for us to continuously improve ourselves in being a better ummah. 

Assalammualaikum