Auld Lang Syne

It's the day that we have been waiting for. For some, it might be the saddest day as 2009 is now closing its door. But to some, it might be the greatest day for welcoming 2010.

2009 has been a crucial year for me. There has been too many bad things instead of the goods happened in 2009. Eventhough I have achieved most of the things I wanted to achieve in 2009, there were things that I wished I had done otherwise. As far as I'm concerned, 2009 is not the year for me.

So yeah, I am happy that 2009 is now waving its hand for goodbyes.

Despite from getting my dream job, happily graduated, starting up my own business (though its becoming slow now), I have failed myself in becoming a good person, a good friend, a good daughter and be a bad girlfriend and a stuck up sister. I, personally have put all my loved ones down and let myself loose. I let my ego control myself at some point. I let my mind do the talking. I've become selfish with myself. I made a wrong turning point and stuck in the middle.

I have failed myself personally.

So 2010 is a starting point for me. I have to start all over again; as a person that is. There's alot to be changed. There's a lot to be improved. 2010 will be the year for me to change myself. For the better.

I hope that 2010 is a year for us that will be filled with love and care. May this new year bring us all happiness and blessed no matter what religion you are, what culture you are practising, and life that you believing. Lets open up our books of life with a new chapter with a clean heart and soul.

Happy new year lovers!


xoxo,
Ajlaa Azam

Confession #2

As much as I thought that my life is going down the drain, being very hopeless with everything, screwed and motionless;

today was indeed the happiest day of all time.

Alhamdulillah.





*saya sangat gembira yang tidak terkata*

#37

Let the pictures do the talking.

We arrived 4 hours later. Driving on a very busy road heading up north doesn't seem to be tiring with crazy girlfriends on board.

After quick freshing up, we drove off to Jalan Air Itam for lunch. We had late lunch since we wanted to have better food instead of the RnR. So celup-celup was where we headed.

We had to witness it first hand. Hard Rock hotel was where we went next. It would be such a waste to no to go there. We fell in love right away though the hotel were crowded. Not with guests but visitors mostly. Next year target: vacation at Hard Rock hotel.

On the second day, we were in Bertam witnessing Nuown's wedding. Congrats babe! You were very pretty that day. May Allah bless you with all the love.

Since none of us had ever experiencing walking through paddy field, we made an impromptu trip up Kedah. Lucky for us, Mr. Boyfie was at his hometown. We took the opportunity since we were already half way there to feel the excitement. It was hell of a good feeling. It feels as if heaven is on earth.

Thank you for driving us around and being our unofficial photographer. Love you big time.

Alang-alang di Alor Star, he drove us around the city. It was great being in places out from the KL chaos for a change.

On the very last day, we had the ever famous original cendol made in Penang. It was my first time too since 6 years. Heaven!

We took the ferry back to minland. And that summorized up our trip to Penang.

So long Penang. Till we meet again next time.

I had a blast trip with the girls. It wasn't a planned trip but we managed to get everything in order. Despite of all the tiredness, I'm glad that we all had fun! We miss you already, Penang. I miss you alot. It's been a very memorable place for me. Not just because of the trip but I guess Penang really has its place in my heart. I shall be there again someday. And for what its worth, I will never forget you.

Merry Christmas and a happy new year. It IS the time for us to forgive and forget. And within this state of mind, I AM forgiving and trying to forget.

This is especially for you

Dear you,

I have no intention in pulling you down. I was suprised by my actions too. But like you said, everything can happen when you are in love. I wasn't suprised with what had happened. I expected it to happen anyway but I didn't expect it to be this bad. I had my share. And god knows how bad I was at that time. I don't expect you to understand but if you were in my shoes, you would know.

I don't hate nor blame you for what had happened. I'm glad that it actually happened. I learned a lot with this. I learned how to understand more. I learned how to be strong and I learned to not to give up on things that I always believe in. Things might not be the same now. And I'm sorry if it effected you bad. It effected me at some point.

You came at the right time. You came to help but I guess you crossed overboard. I was not angry. Disappointed maybe. Because we are only human and we are not born to be perfect.

Everything happen for a reason and I believe that it is meant for a good one. I'm still here stuck with all of this but I'm willing to forgive and start all over again. I don't hate you. I like you even when we first met but I didn't expect things to be like this. No one expect it to be like this.

I pray you all the best in life. I pray that someday you will find someone just like how I found mine. I know that there is someone out there waiting for and love you unconditionally. Never stop believing. Never stop hoping. It is just a matter of time. You'll find your way. I will always pray for the best in you.

Thank you for your help. Thank you for what you have done. You teach me how to understand more. You teach me to appreciate more.

I know it is hard for you. It is hard for me too but I'm willing to let everything go. I hope you are doing fine. I hope you will meet someone new. Someone more meaningful to you.

Thanks for everything. I wish you all the best in life and Happy New Year!


p/s: I heard you are graduating. Congrats for that!



sincerely,
me.

Confession

Kadang-kadang, apa yang kata selalu inginkan tidak semestinya kita akan dapat (selalunya ia bukan kadang-kadang)
Kadang-kadang, kita akan merasakan bahawa hidup tidaklah seindah yang diharapkan.
Kadang-kadang, kita akan bertindak diluar tindakan norma untuk mencapai apa yang diinginkan.
Kadang-kadang, kita terpaksa melulakan perasaan orang lain demi kebahagian sendiri.
Kadang-kadang, kita akan merasakan bahawa kita berada di satu kawasan kosong yang hanya ada kita sahaja didalamnya walaupun pada ketika itu berjuta-juta orang mengelilingi kita.
Kadang-kadang, kita hanya memerlukan diri kita sahaja dan tidak orang lain.
Kadang-kadang, apa yang ada di dalam hati itu lebih berkuasa daripada apa yang berada di dalam minda.
Kadang-kadang, kita hanya mahu merasakan kebebasan. Itu sahaja.

I wish I can be 16 again.

My life was so much fun back then. Happier and full of laughter. I don't remember hating anyone (or myself for any of that matter) during that time. I was very happy even when I scored 35% for add maths. I don't remember screaming to myself when pimples started to grow on my face for the first time. I'm not a girl who socialized that much. I'm not like most of the girls from my school. I went for tuitions on weekends, attending extra classes after school hour, spending more time in school, I don't indulged myself with cigarettes like most of the girls do, I don't have bf(s); St. John & VI boys were within the tips of my finger but I found out that they were all losers. But to top of that, I'm still out having fun with the girls, occassionally (we were still schooling, mommy wasn't being cool at that time). I had fun when I was 16.

It's all different now.

I thought growing up could me more fun. No more curfew. No more feeling guilty for spending mommy's money. No more school uniforms. No more attending classes. No more exams. No more rules and regulations and all the "no mores". It's all about fun, fun, fun.

But, it wasn't as expected.

The older you get, the greater responsibilites will be on your shoulder, decisions to make, hearts to be taken care of and whatnots. You have to think rationally not emotionally. You have to understand your priorities instead of your wants and needs. You have to learn to keep things to yourselves instead of shouting it out. You have learn how to live your life without messing up with others.

But we tend to forget about one thing. That we are human and human make mistakes. Coz we are not born to be perfect and we oftenly take things for granted. We stopped ourselves from learning and make things on our own. We live our life the way we want it to be. We tend to be selfish with others. We oftenly forget the people that means alot to us. We thought that we are being experimental with our lives; in the name of experiencing. But in the end, we lost!

Growing up involves all the shits that the world can offer. Right now, shits are what I'm eating and I'm not sure how long I can stand. I hope I can stand as long as I can coz right now, strength is all that I need.

Demi masa

just a little bit of your time will do.

I guess I have to make an appointment first before meeting up with you tuh pon belum tentu
dapat. *sigh*

Gua update guna iPhone weyh!!

Testing, testing 123

So, this is how posting with an iPhone feels like. Takde se-best mana seperti yang digembar-gemburkan.

Anyways, as I mentioned yesterday, I am facing another round of hell at work. It's the third time in 6 months. I'm starting to question myself, do I really fit with this kind of job? Am I really into it? How, how can I change and make everything back to normal? I start to feel uncomfortable going to the office. I feel as if I've put the person who trusted me the most to the lowest. I've disappointed him again this time. Bos, I'm so so sorry. I really do!

I went straight to bed yesterday after reaching home from work. I couldn't handled the pressure. Mr. boyfriend wasn't helping either. The best way for me to forget about it is by sleeping. So, I slept from 8pm straight to 10am the next morning. I screwed up. This time I don't think I can forgive myself. I don't know how?!

This is the time where I desperately want to get married. At least I know there's a husband waiting for me at home to give me comfort and love. Sorry mommy and daddy, no point for you this time. Your wisdom words just make me feel as bad.

Emak, saya mahu kahwin boleh?

Friday afternoon.

And they say "there is nothing to tell when life is good but there's a hell lot to complain when everything is bad". I second that!

It's been awhile since I last posted anything. I guess my life has been in a good shape lately I have nothing to shout about. Been busy with work and all but hey, I'm not complaining. This is what I've been dreaming on ever since FOREVER. I have to bare with it either way; the good and the bad. So far, I'm enjoying my journey though it sucks big time. But I'm learning. Learning process requires all these shits. So, be it; the shits! I'm all here waiting for you.

Cut the shit thing let's talk crap.

I was on a seminar held in Cyberjaya hosted by one of the responsible commission talking about going creative with media ads. Dad sent me over and waited for nearly 5 hours before sending me back to the office. We are talking Cyberjaya here ladies and gentlemen and since I was there alone to represent my company, dad has been so generous to accompany though he had to wait for the longest hours. You are the bomb lah bapak. Don't worry, saya sudah claimed expenses.

Anyways, talking about the seminar itself, I would say that they had handled it badly. The event started an hour late dued to waiting for the arrival of the chairman. The speakers, well, some were good and some were.........not prepared. Tapi yang paling tiptop adalah hidangan makanan yang tidak putus-putus. This is why I hate dealing with government officers. Seriously!

Speaking of which, did you know that Putrajaya is on hols today for celebrating Sultan Selangor's birthday? So much of claiming themselves as WILAYAH PERSEKUTUAN.

Saya rasa saya bakal ditimpa bencana. *grrr*


/edit (5:30 PM)
Bencana sudah diketahui. I feel like quiting. It's the third time now. I don't think they're going to like me. EVER! Shit la weyh.

The powere of advertising #3

Both of these commercials changed the world of advertising into wonders. First was the one by Apple Macintosh in introducing Macintosh to consumer. It was aired once in a superbowl with the cost of USD 2M a spot and won numerous awards for being the most efficiency. It was aired once throughout the entire world of advertising and people still remember the impact that the commercial gives even till today.

And the one below represent BATA for being the most beneficial product during that year. I wonder what happen to BATA now. They used to be one of the most powerful brand in the world but now they are as if gone from the market.

Both of the commercials were produced during the 80's. See how creative 80's people can be. I guess the Hippies era really produced good and creative people. Despite from being stone and high with whatevernots, those drugs really infected them in the good ways I suppose.







p/s: I don't really get the Macintosh ad by the way. But they changed to world of 1984. BATA was way much better.

500 Days of Summer

I spent my not so quality time yesterday at home with watching all sorts of movies that I can get. From Brothers & Sisters Season 4 Episode 9 to Ugly Betty Season 4 Episode 7 to Desperate Housewives Season 6 Episode 9 and finally 500 Days of Summer. Wah! detail gila. Oh, sebenarnya nak bagitau yang series-series tu semua dah ada season baru, so apa lagi pergilah download.

So anyway, back to the main topic. Friends have been persuasing me to watch the movie since I-don't-know-when. With the uhhh and ahh that they have been potraiting, I say why not! Since I was on MC yesterday and all that I've been doing was...nothing, I started googling the title and voila, 2 hours later, the movie is ready to be watched.

I didn't like the movie so much. I don't think I like it at all. I don't see where's the uhhh and ahh coming. I don't get it. I think it's criminal. I mean, a girl like that, how could you treat such a lovely boy as devil as that. Poor Tom Hanson. If I were Summer, hell yeah, I'll keep you Mr. Hanson. First, you admitted that you're not interested in being someone's gf. Then, with just a blink of an eye, you're someone's wife. Now, that's what I call a total crap. I'm not a fan of seeing other people playing with other people's heart. You treat them as if they mean something to you but when the actual potraits the other way round.

Maybe, maybe because I was watching it at a wrong timing. I positively think that I watched it at the very wrong time. That is why I don't like the movie. It was as if I was the one playing it. I was the character. I was the victim.

But I still keep the copy. I might watch it again coz I deadly want to get to know the uhhh and the ahhh parts. But I like the dancing part though. Very cute!

Goodbye November, Hello December

December marks the 6th month as me being an employee of SpencerAzizul (six months already?! It feels as if it was yesterday when I came in for that-always-kena-reshedule-interview. How time flies like shit!). December also marks as the month where I have to work harder in all aspects in life; career, life, relationship, business etc. I have been putting myself on its lowest I think I need to start picking up them regardless of anything. Persetankan segala-galanya. Wahhh!

December will be the month where I have to decide what's good for myself. Well, lets not talk about that yet! I haven't decided whether to persue with that temptation offer. But I will still keep an open mind. Wait till January comes.

Speaking of which, December also reminds us of the ending of the year 2009. As spooky as it sounds, 2010 is now officially knocking its door. And they are knocking harder each day. Well, I'm not going to write about how wonderful my 2009 is coz believe me, I have more worst days than the goods but that shall be written when the day comes, when 2009 is on its finale. Not now. I still have atleast 30 days to turn everything over. I hope so!

I'll be 25 in 2010. Shiyte!

Well, December is finally here. 30 more days left to spend. So spend wisely while 2009 last. But at the meantime, let me just enjoy my day off today for being sick the whole night yesterday. I think have been attacked by this so called asthma again. Boohooo!



Note-to-self: Cita-cita seumur hidup adalah untuk menjadi seorang suri-rumah-tangga seumur hidup. Sekian terima kasih.

This is the part where the mind is taking control

I have so many questions in my head right now. Most of them start with the "why" word. And they keep on playing in my head on repeat mode and these have lead me to questioning myself if I'm waiting for the uncertainties? Yes, plural please!

I feel like I'm actually living in a cave in the middle of gunung-ganang entah di banjaran mana trying to find my way out coz I'm starving to death for not able to find my source of energy. Hiperbola sungguh but that is what I'm feeling right now. This explain the lost post written a day after AidilAdha. I think I am physically lost now. I don't look good today. Even when I decided to wear something nice for work today, it doesn't help me in improving my lost-ness. Orang kata malu bertanya sesat jalan, tapi kalau dah bertanya pun masih sesat jalan juga macam mana?

Even gps won't help me in finding my way out!

I'm talking crap now.

I tried talking to my mom about it. But everytime I looked at her face, my mouth just zipped it out as if they were sewn with a super giant needle. I tried talking with the girls (the usual gossip session) but it doesn't help me either. Eh, tuan doktor, tolong rawat saya boleh? Saya rasa saya sakitlah. Tolong carikan saya sakit apa. Please prescribe me with high dossage of medicines too. I think I might need them immediately.

As a result, I've been crapping myself at twitter every hour for the past few days; without fail!

Oh, how I wish things were different from what it has been. It's killing me la encik. I think this lost-ness is even sharper than a sharp knife. Hebat bukan?

I have 5 days of annual leave to be taken off before year ends. I think I might need them for the recovering process. Eh, sakit pun tak tahu apa dah nak recovering.

Argh, I think I better stop now before I start writing another crappy post. Everything is so dull in color lately. Too bad I've finished all the pastels way too fast. I need to wait for another round of queueing I guess. Oh yeah, I have to start to learn how to queue now. Gila lah!

Lets queue for fixing a broken mind.

Dear diary

My dearest twinkling stars,

Where have you been disappearing? I haven't seeing you twinking yourself upon the sky for the longest time. Was it because of the weather? Was it because of the rain that make you stop twinkling? I have to be honest here, I miss your presence. I miss watching your twinkling just to accompany me when there is nobody to talk to. I miss watching your smile whenever I'm down. I miss to hear your whispers saying that everything is going to be fine.

Well my twinkling stars, I'm not doing fine down here and you're not around to put the smile on my face to cheer me up. I waited for your presence awhile ago. I waited but you were not there. You were not there at your usual spot. I guess you didn't miss me much. I guess you have forgotten about me. I guess you have been meeting up with a new crowd; new friends.

I got to go now. Back to where I belong. I'm wishing you all the best. If there is any chance of you stopping by, please, please my twinkling stars; twinkle yourself at me. I may need it every once in a while. To show to me that you're still there to care.

Goodbye, and I miss you!


Your dearest,
me.

AidilAdha

Yesterday marked the day muslims celebrating AidilAdha. It was the day where muslims all around the world gathered in front of kaabah in the holly land of Mecca performing rukun Islam ke-lima. It was also the day for us muslims in remembering the sacrifices of Nabi Ibrahim a.s towards his battle in Islam. And that is why korban came into the picture.

Every year, there would be something that I would be thanking for during this particular celebration. The sacrifices I made in order to achieve something. Normally, it would be something related to my studies. The hours I spent, the journey I made; everything that I have to go thru in order to fulfill my dreams.

But this year, AidilAdha is just a day to celebrate with good food prepared by my mother. Most probably, it was dued to the distractions I had hours earlier. I had a blank mind that I can't think of anything that I should be thanking for. I kept on thinking there must be something that I have achieved in the name of sacrifice. Sadly, I came out with none.

But later in the evening, it hits me while I was putting my baby cousin to sleep. For what that I'm facing right, the battle that I'm fighting against my own feelings is the one that I'm sacrificing. I have been pressuring myself lately. I built doubts that I shouldn't have towards my own feelings. I let my mind talk more than thinking with my brain. I let myself down. I've been fooling with myself lately. I let my ego take control. And I have changed, in the bad way. I let myself loose and I've become someone I don't recognize. I've lost my way and stuck in the middle. And the worst part is, I'm stuck without knowing what to do. All that I can think of right now is to run away.

I let myself loose. I let myself down. But I don't know how to build them back. How to build myself back. I let myself loose.

So this year, AidilAdha was the day that I convinced myself that I have actually sacrificing myself with pain and pressure. I made them took control over me. I let them win every battle that I'm fighting for. I made them be the eyes and brain. And the won with gold medals in hand.

I just wish that I could run away;run away far!

Nobody said life would be easy

At this time last year, I was struggling myself to finish up my final year project which consisted me in burning the midnight oil just to make sure that I nail my final year exhibition. During that particular of time, I wish that I could just get over with my study life and start earning a living. But now when I'm actually earning a living, all that I can think of is to submit my master's application and never to remember this experience as a working person ever again.

I wrote about how hardwork and patience works in life on the previous post but I missed out the point to mention that hardwork and patience does not come easily. And it sucks big time when you know that you screwed something out of it. Nobody said life would be easy but nobody said that it's going to be this hard.

I made a mistake today. I made a mistake which I shouldn't have done it. It was something that I was trained not to do so. I guess I was panic and did it after all and cost a lot of trouble to a certain party. I blamed myself for making those mistakes. It was totally on me. I wanted to cry so bad but tears decided not to be my friend. I wanted to scream but I'm out of energy to do so. Honestly, I just wish that I could just stab my heart with a knife and die on spot. Ok, that would be a little bit of exaggeration but I think you know the feeling aight?!

I apologized and admitted my fault to my GM. He didn't say much instead he gave me good advices by saying that these are the experiences that would teach me to improve my working skills. I was hoping to get a scream or anything but he didn't and I still feel bad although the problem is solved.

I went to see him for dinner. I know he was trying his best to cheer me up to distract me from thinking about it. But sorry my dearest, your distractions didn't work. But thanks for the effort anyway. Your company means a lot to me.

I doubt that I can sleep peacefully tonight. I doubt that I can actually close my eyes without thinking about it *sigh*. I think I need to go for a stress management course to teach me on how to deal with stress and anger. *another sigh*

Tomorrow is going to be another tough day. Ya Allah ya tuhanku, berikanlah kekuatan kepada hambamu ini. Amin.

Monday what?!

There's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be a uphill battle

Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb

I never really like the song that much. It was merely just a sing-along song for me. I never really paying much attention to the lyric. It seems to be like a typical-waking-up-from-every-downfall wordings. Plus, it came from a girl who is about to leave her "virtual" kids life and reaching the wonderful years of becoming a teenager.

But the perception changed this morning.

I got the chance to understand the meaning of the lyric while waiting for the bus this morning. It got me through it and somehow I felt related to the song. The chorus part that is and I have to admit that the words describe perfectly as what it is.

It is not the matter of how fast you reach your goals or how successful you've become. It is the matter of how hard you work for it; in reaching your goals, in becoming as successful as you are now. The hardwork that counts. For every sweats that you've wiped, for every crossroads you've passed and for every consequences you've overcome. Well that matters!

I've seen people who are eagerly in filting their bank account with big numbers, driving big cars, talking big businesses. Pendek kata mereka yang mahu cepat kaya. Semua nya cepat-cepat belaka. Instant rich policy. Pick a program, try to persuade few followers and tada you're earning RM XXK a month. But hunny, you're missing out the fun of appreciating the value of your hardwork. You missed the fun of competing with each other. You definitely won't be appreciating any of your sweats. It's true that you're earning more than you could have imagine. But my dear friend, it means nothing when non of those hardworks were appreciated.

Tidak berjaya tidak bermakna akan gagal selamanya. I believe in hardwork. I believe in patience and I believe in faith. To earn something meaningful is to work hard for it. To earn something big is by deserving it. It applies to all. Life, relationship, career; all.

Take a step backward and think. What you really want in life, an instant rich or appreciation? People will remember you for something that you've worked hard for not the amount of $$$ you've made.

Hitler is remembered for the way he ruled his army not the amount of people he has killed. P.Ramlee is known for his good music not the awards he has collected. Gandhi is remembered for his inspiration in civil rights not the amount of followers.

Hardwork pays. Trust me, it does!

Orang Kedah kata ini keciwi

He was uberly excited when he saw the webcam button and started taking his own pictures. And this are the end results.

priceless! haha

Statement

• Yee, saya jonggang, rabun, busuk, hodoh dan tidak cantik. Do you have problems with that?
• The impression that I've been getting for wearing scarf. "Which state do you come from?", "oh, you must be staying with your friends here in Kuala Lumpur", "kampung kat mane?" WTF?! Can't a city girl be wearing tudung? Does tudung resembles KAMPUNG? Oh and not forgetting "budak BBGS pakai tudung ke?". pffftt. That shows how narrow-minded MALAYSIANS are! Menyedihkan.
• I saw a car with a plat number WTF XXXX.
• I was a copywriter, DTP Artist, Typist, Tea Lady and a Secretary all in one day; last friday.
• The new route RapidKL invented is far from being reasonable. With an increment of 25% of the fare, I have to walk 15minutes longer then usual. To top of that, the route that they are heading are all the ones with the high amount of traffic. You are making the rakyat suffer worst then ever. What happens with Rakyat didahulukan, Pencapaian diutamakan? You're giving more shits man!
• You are so lucky, you are building your career in Singapore! *jealous*
• A friend shared few desperate brides-to-be blogs on their wedding preparations. Some are still in the process of merisik, some are just completed their engagement and some are super excited while counting the days of their so called "big day". Honestly, I am a big fan of weddings and wedding preparations is something that I myself will be excited for. But creating a blog for it, is super desperado! You're getting married and we understand that. Telling it to the whole wide world will be a little bit exaggeration. Nak kawin, kawin lah nak keco about the preparation ape kes? But then again, it was very enjoyable reading those posts written by them. They totally nailed it when it comes in showing their desperations. It is a good source of laughter I tell y'all!.
• Ugly Betty is my current source of inspirations. Betty dah cantik sekarang. Suka!
• I miss the fun part of us.
• I'm broke.
• It's 12.30pm already? Woohooo.

Tata.

I don't like you lah! I like her more.

Someone once said that we (the family) practice favouritism. My immediate response was "too bad, you're not in our list", sarcastically. My mother doesn't like with what I just said. While she continued the story of us being chossy and picky over some group of people, I had a theory in mind. Well first, I felt sorry for the person who just said that thing; for feeling that way. Second, I just thought that maybe "that" particular group of people felt so left out that they had to say such thing so that we can include them next them. And finally, because we are soo famous, people just want to be with us. Haha! Kidding.

Sadly enough, it came out from a family members too.

Being a cool mom, she just ignored the statement. Though somehow, I knew deep in her heart she was dissappointed over it. If I were in her shoes, I would definitlely felt angry. Knowing me, I would definitely call "that" person up and try to come clean. But my mother, she acted cool over it.

I was angry, definitely I am. Even till today, I can't actually figure out why "they" said such thing. We are family, aren't we?! Then why made such statement? Most importantly, who the bloody hell you think you are for making such statement.

At this point of time, Muhasabah is the good thing to do! Well, it does, to me. Probably it was partly our fault for making other people felt that way but then again, you have to ask yourself back, what have you done so far? Why you felt that way? Is it what it seem to look or was it just your mind talking?

It's not about picking whose fault it falls too. In this matter, there's no right and wrong. Because we have to remember that we are only human and human make mistakes. After all, we are family. We weren't supposed to have that kind of feelings. Busuk hati, dengki sesama ahli keluarga. Apa kes?!

And to you family, muhasabah diri. The door is always open for you to enter.

Which Side Are You On?

There are two types of people living in this world. One are those who we can define as genuinely nice people and the other one are those who are being pretentiously nice to other people. The ones that I'm trying to avoid are the ones in number two. But, how can I actually define them either way?

Someone genuine can actually pretending in being genuine and someone pretentious, well they are definitely pretending. But to differentiate these two little behaviors are somehow rather difficult.

Frankly speaking, I can be a little bit of both and I'm sure you too! This is where judging the book by its cover applies.

Taking my boss as an example. The first few days of signing in with the company, I have been warned by most of the staff to always be patience while handling my boss regardless of anything. Even till today, I'm still been warned to work patiently with my boss. I heard so many things about her. Mainly about her past. How she handles most of her ex-assistant. To come to my suprise, I was the only one who survive her more than 3 months working under her for the fact that I am a Malay (she has issues with Malays don't ask me why). But to me, she is a very nice person. And she is someone whom I labelled as a genuinely nice person. She's fussy; very fussy and strict in term of work ethics. A middle age unmarried lady, what more can you expect. But once you get to know her, she is indeed a very nice lady.

But the problem occures when you have to start dealing with the pretentious people acted super nice in front of you but being a super bitch behind your back. Siap boleh mengata pulak tu. Lumrah, memang lumrah manusia untuk mengata di belakang. Hendak berterus-terang? Bukit Antarabangsa runtuh sekali lagi pun belum tentu berani. But thats human. People who doesn't have the balls to talk right in front of your face. Kalau boleh diputarbelitkan, memang sanggup diputarbelitkan.

Hypocrites to some may call it. But I don't blame them for being hypocrite. Hypocrite is needed in life. One has to be one so that others won't feel offended by their actions, terasa hati, to keep the pride that one has left and etc. But people tend to act overly with hypocrisy. The unforgivable ones.

Sudah lari topic dah ni!

But what I want to say is that, stop being pretentious. I mean, there is nothing wrong with being you. The real you. People will accept you for who you are regardless of anything for any of that matter. There is nothing wrong of being weak. Every once in awhile we need to be weak, we need to be pampered, we need to be loved and that is what family and friends are for. To help you when needed, to be there when you are falling, to guide when you lost your way.

Life is too short to waste it inappropriately. Might use it wisely with the ones who matters.

Cheers!

Kerana Dia Hebat Dan Aku Tidak

Manusia dilahirkan ke dunia ini dengan kondisi yang tidak sempurna. Sesempurna mana seseorang itu mengangap dirinya, percayalah bahawa dia tidak sempurna. Mungkin tidak dari pandangan fizikal, tetapi zahirnya dia adalah tidak sempurna.

Tidak sempurna kerana merasakan dirinya serba kekurangan. Tidak sempurna kerana merasakan dirinya tidak cemerlang. Tidak sempurna kerana merasakan dirinya telah ditindas. Tidak sempurna kerana mengangap dirinya tidak berjaya. Tidak sempurna kerana tidak pernah yakin dengan kemampuan dirinya sendiri dan tidak sempurna dengan serba-serbi kekurangan yang tidak boleh nampak dengan mata kasar tetapi dengan hanya melalui perasaannya sahaja.

Sesuatu yang dijaga beratus-ratus hari tidak bermakna ia akan menjadi milik kita untuk selama-lamanya. Sesuatu yang dipelihara dengan penuh kasih sayang bertahun-tahun lamanya tidak menjanjikan bahawa ia adalah milik mutlak. Kerana ia mampu berubah. Kerana manusia berubaha. Manusia berubah kerana mahukan pembaharuan. Manusia berubah kerana mahukan kepuasan. Manusia berubah kerana "konon-konon"nya itulah yang terbaik untuknya dan perubahan itu mampu berlaku dalam satu jangka masa yang amat singkat.

Dalam sebulan, macam-macam yang boleh berlaku. Dalam sebulan, manusia mampu merubah pendiriannya dan dalam sebulan manusia mampu merubah keputusannya.

Sesuatu yang dipelihara beratus hari usianya mampu tergugat dengan sesuatu yang baru dikenali dalam masa sebulan.

Kerana manusia berubah untuk mencari kesempurnaan.

Coz It Does Matter

I will be all that you want and get myself together

'Cause you keep me from falling apart

And all my life, I'll be with you forever

To get you through the day and make everything ok

Lets get married, shall we?!

I'm not sounding desperate, aren't I?

Anyways, cut the marriage part, lets talk about life.

It's been 5 months since I started working. I'm still learning; adapting with the real world. Trying my best to fit in the advertising industry. Getting used to it I must say. I met new people and some old faces (meeting up with an old collegue from NSTP, buat kerja ku bertambah senang) and of course, there's always the ups and downs. I'm not complaining. No, I'm not.

I like it here. I mean the place where I'm currently working. It has always been my dream to work here. Not my first choice but still in my top list of places where I want to have my experiences with. And at the age of 24, I've fulfilled quater of what I've wished for. A stable job (was confirmed as an employee of spencerAzizul Sdn Bhd on the month of September with an increment of salary and few other things that I've achieved/fulfilled). But this never stop me from working hard. I'm still young and there's a hell lot more for me to learn; to experience. And I'm learning. I do!

But this does not apply to people who think they have experienced everything that the world could offer that not need to share. So, what gives?!

What really gives?! Does it costs you trillion of dollors for you to spend to move an inch? Does it really hurt that bad for you to even work. After all, you were paid to work. So for heaven's sake, work-lah!

You shouldn't be working by now if all that you were doing is sit and play Farmwille. You should be a real farmer then. Why waste so much of your time (and mine!) and money for things that you're not going to do. If you think your life is hard, try thinking about us who receive half the amount of salary that you received monthly. We need to survive too you know, and work too!

So how's about that mista?!



p/s: You, yes you. I know you're a frequent visitor of this crappy blog of mine. So, Hello! to you =)

SATC in The Real World

I was caught up with SATC for the past few days. Thanks to HBO for constantly airing the movie that made me watched them everytime without fail. Though I've already watched them like gazillion times before but still energetically watching them. When it comes to SATC, who doesn't?! And since kakak was superly excited about it, we decided to watch the series back from season 1 to 6 via internet and ASTRO. The fever is in back again.

It's fictional, superficial and I must say, irrelevent with the reality. But the way I see it, it's not mainly about the highly standard of living with all sorts of glamorous clothes that they are potraiting. It's more to the friendship that they're bonding between the four of them. If I were to have those kind of friendship, please god, I swear I will never do wrong again.

Chop! I think I have my other three girlfriends that I could trust my life with. Though they are not similarly to the ones in the character but they are still the ones that I'll look up to whenever; where ever. And plus, I have my kind of "Mr. Big" around me. Just that we are still not married. Not yet!

We (I mean, the girlfriends), we don't really wear fashionable clothes. From where I see it, I don't think they ever will. Tidaklah kopak sangat. Just nice untuk mata memandang. Casual, I must say. We are still in the midst of building our career. We are totally not in the same line. We have our differences. We have a different taste in man; different taste in everything for that matter. We look things differently. But somehow, we connect with each other. Most importantly, they are the ones that I can trust whole-heartedly.

Telling it short, I have found my kind of Samantha, Charlotte, Carrie and Miranda. 8 years of friendship and counting.

If I Could, I Would

If I have all the powers in the world, I would definitely do the right thing for all my loved ones, for every person that means a lot to me; that placed specially in my heart. I will give nothing but a healthy and a meaningful life.

If I have the heart as holly as an angel, I would definitely say all the beautiful words to the ones that I love. Pour them with beautiful gifts, shower them with happiness and will never break those meaningful hearts.

If I could swallow every darkest fears, I would. So none of my meaningful souls trapped in their hardest shadows.

It's not easy pleasing everyone. It's not easy making every heart to smile. It's not easy to treat everyone well; equally. Coz I'm only human and I make mistakes. I'm not perfect. Not even close. I don't have all the powers in the world. My heart is not as holly as an angel and I couldn't swallow every fears. The only thing that I could do is to try. And god, I've tried my very best.

I cried not to seek for your sympathy. I cried because it's the best thing that could heal me. I scream not because I'm angry; I couldn't hold it anymore. I shouted; I cursed because I'm out of words. If I could turn everything around. I would. Trust me; I would.

Coz I'm only human!





I wish I have my own computer right now =(

Susah.

Tidak ada sesiapa dalam dunia yang mahukan orang-orang sekelilingnya hidup susah. Tetapi kenapa kita tak habis-habis berusaha untuk susahkan hidup kita sendiri?

Is it really hard for you to include me in too?

Food Fiesta!

SpencerAzizul nailed few unexpected campaigns/corporate communication products for the past couple of months. And as a matter of appreciating the hardwork, the company had treated all of us with great food at Renaissance Hotel last Thursday.

Aszam with the girls

Mili and Aunty May

Presenting, Mr Azizul from spencerAZIZUL.

Cik Tam yang bertelinga Putih

My pc has officially going down on me. She collapsed on me couple of weeks ago. Sent her for check-up and yeah, she is now breathing lifelessly. And the worst part was, she never really said goodbye to me. Not even showing any sight of symptom that needs for inspections.

5 years of servicing and you never fail me. Not even once!

I'm out of words. I don't know how to express my sadness. You left without saying goodbye. You left without any warnings. You just leave!

I need to get you a replacement. I need to get a new YOU. You left, Cik Tam; and you shall be missed; dearly.



I need to get a new set of lappy but I'm actually out of mooo-neeyyy!


Yang benar,
saya yang sangat sungguh sedih.

Terminology

• They say that if you drink coffee it will makes you all fresh and awake. I drank 4 cups of coffee (a black one) and feel sleepy right away.
• If your GM is playing games on facebook during office hour, it's proven that playing games in the office is permitted. Especially during office hour.
• A short roadtrip to Penang in December is approved (by mommy and daddy actually). I hope it happens!
• All gears are set and I'm ready to head the new road. Which is fixing the broken mind. We admitted our faults and promise to fix it together. I have no idea how far we can go but fixing it is what we opted for.
• But please, don't ask me how I'm doing right now. I still have no answer for it.
• Working in an advertising agency is not that bad after all.
• My stomach is still cramp from yesterday's food fiesta!
• I have zero $$$ left in my wallet till the next salary comes in.
• I need a new pair of flats and jeans.

I'm out of idea. They were here awhile ago but disappeared right away. I have so many things to write about but they were gone while I'm typing them down.

Case closed. I want to go home.

And Today Is..........

"While relying on your instincts is easy when the situation involved is of purely personal nature, those that have to do with joint decisions can be very tricky indeed. If others can't understand why you feel as you do, waste no time trying to explain. Simply tell them they'll have to turst you" - Cancer, The Sun

So dear friends (you know who you are),

I know I've worried some of you. I've caused so much of your attention. Well, I'm not intended to do so. I've taken so much of your time. I appreciated every second of it. There is no way for me to express my gratitude. I couldn't thank you enough. But at this point of time, I need to sort things on my own. I need to get everything in pieces again. I need to fix what have been broken. I need to make sure that everything is back to its normal. And most importantly, I need to get THAT piece of heart back again.

I'll be ok! I will be fine. Just bare with me will you?

much love,

me!

You Know What Would Be Nice?

A Simple Thank You Will Do!

kthx.

At Time Like This

At time like this, I wish I know what to do, where to start, how to do it, what to feel and how to live with it. Coz, I don't know where I have to stand, what do I have to do first. Point blank!

At time like this, I wish I'm at a place where nothing in the world matters. Totally silent!

At time like this, I wish that it was just a dream. A bad dream that appeared during my sleep. Coz truthfully, I have no idea how to deal with it. I've lost in my own translation and I'm dying for an answer. I need help. But I don't know who to ask to.

I need peace. I need love. I need .........................

I need to get myself fixed. I need to get everything under control. I need to let everything out. I do not need to keep everything to myself. I do not need to think about it anymore. It already happened; and there is nothing that I can do to turn back the time. I need strength. I need courage. I need to focus again. I need to stay positive again. I need to see things on a bigger prospective. Coz I have a life to live.

But I don't know how?!

Chapter #5

If this is really a life story, this chapter would definitely called;-

A Letter of A Muthafucka.

I thought I am strong enough to face this challenge. I thought I'm fully prepared for all the consequences. I thought I'll be all geared up heading for the new road. Guess, I wasn't strong enough. In fact, I am not THAT strong to face the challenges. I wasn't prepared for the consequences; for the fact that I actually have no clue about it. I wasn't all fit for the new road. I'm still not ready to press the paddle yet!

I still have no idea where to start. I need strength. I need....................................

Coz It's All For You

I've done my part. I begged, I pled for forgiveness, I confessed for things that I've never done. And it was all for us. Yes, WAS! Everything will be in its past tense now. I've played all the cards and there's none for me to keep.

I can't take this anymore. I can't afford to play nice anymore. I can't afford to hurt myself any longer. I compromised and I played it accordingly. I put myself in the lowest just for you. I be the person whom I've never thought of becoming. I let myself loose. I negotiated for us, for you. Guess, it was never good enough. I was never good enough for you. Never have been.

You deserve someone better. You deserve someone who will love you unconditionally. You deserve someone who will sacrifice her life for you, do everything you said, plea every single of your words, put your satisfactions on the top of her priority. Be the best for you.

Coz I'm none stated on the above. I've never be the girl whom you've wished for. I was a mistake for you. I was a burden to all of your energy. I was such a nuisance.

Like I said, I've played all the cards. It's time for me to move aside; take a step backward. Coz I never really the one you would like to walk with, to spend your life with, to grow old together, to have a lifetime together. I was never the one!

I've wasted so much of your precious time and I swear to god there will be no more time wasted. I pray you all the best in life and I hope you get everything that you wish for.

Semoga kebahagiaan yang di kejar tercapai.

Never Ending

Kau hancurkan aku dengan sikapmu

Tak sadarkah kau telah menyakitiku

Lelah hati ini meyakinkanmu.......

And The Story Begins

I took Graphic Communication for degree but ended up being a Media Planner. I decided not to become a graphic designer after I've completed my internship in one of the publishing company. It doesn't seem to impress me much. I don't want to stuck doing the things that I done for the rest of my life. Or maybe because the environment was not to my liking (it must be the place that wasn't impressive enough).



But anyhow, it never really stop me from appreciating art. I still do designing but not like before. My skills are not as good as before. I've forgotten all the shortcuts to photoshop and illustrator. It took me a day or two to complete a simple task compare to just 30 minutes. My sense of creativity in designing wasn't as efficient as before and that I have to admit. I'm totally suck in it now!



I read more advertising books than art booklets. I have more Marketing Communication journals than color paletes. My excel skill is better than photoshop. I am good with numbers now than generating codes from Flash or Dreamweaver. I am using Microsoft instead of OS X. And I feel nothing but happy with everything that I'm doing now.



But yesterday was totally a different kind of story. One of the designers was on MC (he MC-ed on purpose actually) and none of the remaining designers knew how to submit the press material thru the server. Well, I blame them for not having the initiative in learning. So, I had to do them. I took the trouble to learn from the datamation people thru phone to complete the submission process from the DTP room. Pendek cerita, I was at the DTP room whole evening.



I saw designers rushing for dateline. I saw them (the designers) creating logos for clients (they were actually competing with each other). I saw them struggling for ideas. I saw them got scolded by the CD for creating irrelevent ideas. And I'm actually missing all the fun! The fun of being a designer; creating designs.


But then again, you got to do what you have to do! And I am not complaining.

Aku Terima Nikahnya....

"A happy marriage has in it all the pleasures of friendships, all the enjoyment of sense and reason - and indeed all the sweets of life"

- Joseph Addison

Isya & Harull,

Congratulations on your wedding. May this new chapter of life brings happiness and full of love for both of you. May Allah bless dan dipanjangkan jodohnya selalu.

Amin.

Thank You For The Music

I'm nothing special, in fact I'm a bit of a bore
If I tell a joke, you've probably heard it before
But I have a talent, a wonderful thing
cause everyone listens when I start to sing
I'm so grateful and proud
All I want is to sing it out loud

So I say
Thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing
Thanks for all the joy they're bringing
Who can live without it, I ask in all honesty
What would life be?
Without a song or a dance what are we?
So I say thank you for the music
For giving it to me

Mother says I was a dancer before I could walk
She says I began to sing long before I could talk
And I've often wondered, how did it all start?
Who found out that nothing can capture a heart
Like a melody can? Well, whoever it was, I'm a fan

So I say
Thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing
Thanks for all the joy they're bringing
Who can live without it, I ask in all honesty
What would life be?
Without a song or a dance what are we?
So I say thank you for the music
For giving it to me

I've been so lucky, I am the girl with golden hair
I wanna sing it out to everybody
What a joy, what a life, what a chance!

So I say
Thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing
Thanks for all the joy they're bringing
Who can live without it, I ask in all honesty
What would life be?
Without a song or a dance what are we?
So I say thank you for the music
For giving it to me

-----------------

I'm having sudden break down, I don't know why. My heart was pounding hard as if there's something bad coming my way. Goosebumps! I can't even sit still.

This song was on TV and I was singing along with it. And the butterfly has flown away from my stomach literally, as the song ended.

So I say, thank you for the music............. for calming me down =)

The Power of Advertising #2

A useful reminder.





DON'T TEXT AND DRIVE.

The Power of Advertising

Life #7

Call me whatever coz I wouldn't care less.

Coz a girl can only dream. And dream is what I can do at this moment of time.

My Winamp was playing all this morning as usual but apparently the playlist was on random. Nak dijadikan cerita, from morning till late afternoon, all that I'm hearing were love-related songs including songs that are on my "potential wedding songs" list.

And yes, like I said earlier, a girl can only dream.

If you look closely (or noticed by now), there's a long list of things that I want to achieve/do before I get old and grey on the right side of this blog. Getting married is one of them. Building up my own family is next. Pendek cerita, yes! I do want to get married. I do want to have my own family, raising my own child, send them to school like my parents did, watch them grow and to also have grandchildren whom I can spoild and love.

But the time has not arrived yet! Not now I guess. Not in a near future juga kot!

But I will never stop myself from dreaming and hoping for that day to come. I may sound so desperate to you but like I said, a girl can only dream. And this is my dream for now. Not to want to have a big house, not even a car but to get married. Blame the love-related songs, I'm down with desperation.

Oh well! kalau jodoh tak kemana. Jadi Ajlaa sila jangan berangan lagi. Sekian terima kasih.

Good Morning Lovers

My heart will be bouncing double from its usual every morning when I'm about to check my work mail. You know, the kind of feeling you have when you feel like there's something big coming your way. In the most unsoothing way of course. And today, I received this from my Creative Director.

Thought of the day:-
HUMAN BODY: Some interesting facts about ourselves

It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
One human hair can support 3 kg (6.6 lb).
The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.
Human thigh bones are stronger than concrete.
A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.
There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
Women blink twice as often as men.
The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.
Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.
If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.
Women will be finished reading this by now.
Men are still busy checking their thumbs.
An idle brain is the devil's workshop



And I can't just stop laughing.
Have a pleasant day lovers =)

Coz You Never Really Go Away

An old friend buzz-ed me on facebook while I was in a hurry to catch dateline. I was extremely occupied with work and decided to ignore her. But I didn't anyway. I replied and we chatted for about 15 minutes or so. It was nearly lunch hour and I had to make a move. I was catching dateline remember?! I left her with no reply; unnoticed.

I hope she doesn't feel offended. I was in a rush. I hope she understands.

She wasn't one of my clicks. We didn't hang out together. She wasn't my lepak friends. But someways or another, we were close in our own ways. She always comes to me whenever she feels like talking. I didn't know why, coz truth be told, we were not in the same league. She has her own circle of friends and I had mine. The only thing that we have in common was actually nothing! But I always happy to have her company.

Its been ages since I last saw her. The last time that we did was probably the last day of SPM. We were saying goodbye literally but we never really stop communicating. But somehow or another we stopped between the line.

I guess, we have our own life to catch up too.

Within that 15 minutes of conversation, we bond with each other back again. Though, I might be missing few words but I'm glad we did chatted. It feels good to hear that familiar voice (literally!) after so long. It feels so good to have been communicating with you again.

And I have to be honest, I miss you lah!

I'm happy (oh! super happy kot!) to see where you are standing now. Looking back to where you were, you never really thought of reaching this far. But you did. Successfully! Despite of all the talks and the bad judgment given to you, I guess you've proven them wrong. I'm proud of you. I really am.

I hope we can meet someday coz I miss you dearly. My prayers will always be with you.

Kalau Dah Jodoh, Tak Kemana

A cousin of mine (sebenarnya dia adalah anak saudara tetapi memandangkan kami sebaya, dia adalah sepupu bagi saya) will be tying the knots sometime next week (or a week after). Well, the interesting part is, she will be tying the knots with someone she met few months ago. By accident!

I have to admit, she is physically beautiful. Very fair. A girl with full of smiles and super intelligent! Kind-hearted, joyfull, and every mother-in-law dream daughter I would say.

On the second day of raya, her mother (who is ACTUALLY the cousin) gave the wedding invitation card to us the Kayah's family. We were obviously shocked! and what can we say then, jodoh dia dah sampai.

When asked how did they first met, with smiles on her face she replied confidently, "jumpa kat internet". She has her own personal blog and somehow the future husband read her blog and decided to meet her parents for approval. For a hand of marriage. They met once; with the company of her mother and the next thing that they know, the future husband's family came for merisik. And Insyaallah they will be officially husband and wife in the next couple of weeks.

It was indeed a very fast process. I was not agree with it at first but like I said, jodoh dia dah sampai. How can you actually agreed to marry with someone you barely know? Call me typical but I prefer getting to know the person first (getting to know his side of family, his interpersonal and whatnots) before agreeing for something so big. It's your own future we are talking about here! The one that you're going to spend the rest of your life with. But then again, jodoh dia dah sampai.

I have no rights to say. I'm too young to voice my opinion out. Well, it's not my call anyway.

But Nadiah, I am trully happy for you. I am happy that you finally found someone that will take care of you profoundly. My prayers will always be with you. Amin!






Sedihnya =(

Apabila Semua Sudah Kembali Bekerja

• Jalanraya di Kuala Lumpur sudah tidak lagi berada seperti di kawasan hulu Selangor. Maknanya, kesesakan jalanraya adalah sudah kembali kepada keadaan normal.
• Walaupun masih ada yang mengadakan rumah terbuka, tetapi kuantitinya tidaklah sama seperti waktu semuanya sedang bercuti.
• Keadaan di pejabat tidak lagi seperti mahu makan gaji buta. Oh! speaking of which, the say of "everybody leaves" is by far true.
• Keadaan di pejabat juga tidak lagi senyap seperti berada di dalam gua walaupun wajah masing-masing masih dalam bentuk yang sungguh mencurigakan.
• Semuanya sudah kembali mengejar dateline and I'm dead between the lines.
• If I must say, I am very very thankful for what I have now, for the life that I'm leading, for the job that I'm working (with the super cool company) and for the love that I'm getting. I wouldn't want to change them for the world.

Sudah lunch hour, tata *gaya Khloe Kardashian*

Nasi Lomak Dan Kita Semua

Ever since Ramadan started, the only food that I've stopped eating was Nasi Lemak. Mana nak cari nasi lemak masa sahur? Plus I'm not the type of person who took rice for sahur. A simple-light food will do for me. Nak makan nasi lemak masa berbuka, I prefer eating food preparred by my mom instead of getting myself a plate of nasi lemak. Konon-konon supper for early sahur, oh! please, lebih baik tidur daripada keluar mencari nasi lemak. Plus, nasi lemak bungkus jual tepi jalan lebih enak daripada nasi lemak kedai mamak atau di White Coffee Kopitiam.

But I've never stopped myself from craving for one. Dengan kondisi yang mampu mencairkan air liur dan sudah tentu-tentunya akan cair dan tanpa melengah-lengahkan lagi masa, I bought myself a large pack of nasi lemak this morning.

Lagi lama ku tahan, lagi lama perut ni tidak mampu menanggung kebuluran.

Dengan keadaan yang masih di dalam minggu raya, there's no, I repeat, NO AVAILABLE kedai-tepi-jalan that operates within the usual morning hours. There're none at my housing area. Makcik sodap jual nasi lemak masih lagi di dalam keseronokan beraya and there're also none di Jalan Ipoh.

But I was lucky enough to spot a small warung that sells nasi lemak on my way to the office. Tanpa menghiraukan keadaan sekeliling, I get myself a pack of nasi lemak consists of sambal lebih dan juga paru (dengan tambahan sambalnya sekali) tanpa kacang.

The satisfactory: priceless!

Walau banyak mana pon makanan yang telah di makan, tambahan pula di hari raya yang sudah tentu-tentu dihidangkan dengan makanan yang 150 kali ganda enaknya, nasi lemak akan tetap menjadi pojaan. Walau jauh mana pun merantau, sehingga ke utara Rusia sekali pun, nasi lemak juga yang akan di cari.

Or is it just me?



And I'm sleepy even with a cup of black coffee in hand.

Never Say Goodbye

She was one of my closes friends back then in high school. Merely because we lived not far from each other. I mean, the housing area. I went to her house every weekend since form 3. Zaman-zaman harus ke tuition untuk peperiksaan. We were classmates for several years (I think, the whole of junior years), bus-mate (since sekolah rendah kot, ke start form 1), tuition-mate which we enjoyed it very-very much and I guess, we had our share of sweet and great moments together.

She lost her mother recently. But I was suprise to see how she's cooping up looking through the history she has between her mom and her, I just couldn't imagine the sadness that she has to face. But I'm glad to see that she's doing fine!

She has another semester to go before completing her degree and I'm wishing you all the best and we shall meet again after you're finally over with Japan. Take care Cik Ummi Nasir. Much loves and kisses from me here in Malaysia.

They're Back

• Yes, they are! And I can see that my following days will be as brighter as the sun can ever shines. At least, I know I would and something to fill my nights for the upcoming months. All the tv-series are back in town with a new season. Hotness! And more to come, yeayness! But I have to admit, new series with new characters and new faces in line, I-so-don't-like-lah! I want my Peyton and Lucas with the pretty baby!!!!!! Nvm, there's always Chuck to fill me in. Auwmmm!
• Kodi gila aku nih!
• Raya is over, for me at least. I was practically doing nothing yesterday and regratted for taking a day off. I'm back in the office now and enjoying every bits of it (al-maklumlah kerja tiada).
• Speaking of which, Raya this year was as expected. I had my share and I enjoyed it. Enough said.
• There are times when I feel like school is waaayyyyy better than waking up in the morning and go for work. And today is one of the days. Alangkah nikmat jika masih boleh pergi ke sekolah dan belajar. But then again, bilanya nak maju jika asyik di tahap yang sama?
• Pencapaian paling hebat, duit gaji masih belum di sentuh!
• Starting over is not easy. Pleasing people is not an easy job either. But if you believe in each other, I think everything will be just fine. In its own way! Insyallah.
• I guess that's for now. You know you love me, xoxo.

Ikhlas dari Saya

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI

SORRY BODY & SOUL

MAY SYAWAL BRINGS THE HAPPINESS IN US AFTER A MONTH OF CLEANING OUR HEART AND SOUL. LETS US FORGIVE AND FORGET AND START A NEW CHAPTER WITH A BETTER BEGINNING. MAY ALLAH BLESS ALL OF US, AMIN!

2 Days To Hari Raya

As you can see from the title itself, we have come to the end of Ramadan. Hope that this Ramadan really brings the best in us coz I know I have. Hope that our ibadah diterimaNya accordingly. Amin!

2 days to Raya and I have yet to get my killer raya heels (takda ke siapa-siapa nak belanja?), I have yet to get myself a new set of bedsheet (for the fact that I sleep with none right now), I have yet to get myself a place to hang my sejadah and whatnots and I have yet to complete in decorating my room.

But I have been collecting sampul duit raya from every client. Alangkah baik jika di dalam sampul itu diisikan sekali dengan beberapa nota kertas yang ber-cop wajah Tuanku Abdul Rahman (Tuanku ke Tengku?) di sebelah kanannya.

Everyone has started leaving for their kampung I guess. The road wasn't as busy as usual. It took me just 15 minutes to reach office today. Mind you, I am a public transportation user and I take bus ride everyday. Oh! how I wish that I don't have to work today (and tomorrow, darn!)

I need to get back to work! I'll wish everyone tomorrow okie dookie?!

---------------------------

Fadhilat Solat Terawih Malam KeDuaPuluhLapan: Allah Subhanahuwataala kurniakan kepadanya pahala 1000 darjat di akhirat.

3 Days to Hari Raya

Dear Miss Red,

You have been super nice to let me to have another 3 extra days before you decided to appear on me this morning. I thought you were going to let me go without you this month to let me have a nice one solid month of Ramadan. But I guess you miss me so much you decided to hit me with just another 3 nights left. I'm very disappointed.

We will be celebrating Syawal in 3 days but I already had mine today and it's all because of you. Thank you but no thanks Miss Red!


Truthfully,
me.

-------------------------

Fadhilat Solat Terawiih Malam KeDuaPuluhTujuh: Allah kurniakan orang berterawih pada malam ini ketangkasan melintas atas titian Sirotolmustaqim seperti kilat menyambar.

4 Days to Hari Raya

I had a wonderful buka puasa yesterday. It wasn't just about the buka puasa or the good food that were served but most importantly, the company that I had my berbuka with.

I haven't been laughing hilariously for a very long time and yesterday really was the day that I totally having fun. Seriously fun!

much loves and kisses.

----------------------------

Fadhilat Solat Terawih Malam KeDuaPuluhEnam: Allah kurniakan kepada orang berterawih pahala pada malam ini seumpama 40 tahun beribadat.

5 Days to Hari Raya

Satisfactory! Especially for the tummy.

I was in a mood to bake chocolate chip cookies for raya yesterday night. Yes, I repeat, YESTERDAY NIGHT that ended up me having less then 3 hours of sleep for the fact that today is actually a working day.

But the end results, yummy-licious. I feel proud of myself though! Banggo den!

Marilah kita sama-sam berkongsi langkah-langkah kegembiraan ini ye puan-puan sekalian.

1) Langkah pertama: Unfrozen the dough for 15-20 minutes or atleast till the dough is half soft.

2) Langkah kedua: make a round-shaped cookies and place in a baking tray (dalam bahasa tradisionalnya, di atas penutup periuk). But, make sure that the round-shaped cookies is not as big as your hand as it will spread in the oven.

3) Langkah ketiga: Bake for 15-20 minutes depending on the quality of the oven used (kalau oven yang sudah agak berumur, bakarlah dengan masa yang sedikit lebih).

4) Langkah keempat: You'll get a round-shaped brown-colored cookies fresh from the oven as seen on the picture below (and above)

5) Langkah kelima: Siaplah sudah cokkies anda dan bolehlah dihidangkan di dalam balang sewaktu hari raya dan pastikan kuantitinya tidak berkurangan sebelum hari raya tiba. Cicah teh pon sodap!

Till we meet again. I'm late for work!.

Tata! *dengan nada sebijik Kim kardashian*

--------------------------------
Fadhilat Solat Terawih Malam KeDuaPuluhLima: Allah Taala angkatkan daripada siksa kubur.

6 Days To Hari Raya

I'm Blessed!

Alhamdulillah.

With family, friends and the loved ones. I have nothing more to ask. I have nothing else to gain. I'm just blessed and I'm thankful for what I have. The people around me, the support I received and the love that I have were more then what I've asked for. Syukur!

-----------------------------

Fadhilat Solat Terawih Malam KeDuaPuluhEmpat: Allah buka peluang 24 doa yang mustajab bagi orang berterawih malam ini, (elok sekali berdoa ketika dalam sujud).

8 Days to Hari Raya

I was called by my GM for an evalution couple of days ago. I had to evaluate myself for the company's record or something like that. I was given 5 pages of questions that requires me to answer them all. I thought I was going to be asked verbally but it turned out to be in a subjective form. Dah serupa macam menjawab soalan SPM paper Kimia. I was struggling in answering the questions for I have never in my life been evaluting myself. I never really liked to evaluate the progessions I made through out my life apatah lagi di pejabat. But I answered them anyway.

Kalau di soal secara verbal lebih senang kerana boleh di-kelentong sana-sini but in a writing-form amat payah kerana terpaksa memikirkan susunan ayat yang berkesan untuk memperolehi susunan ayat yang cantik dan confident.

It takes me 2 days to complete the questions. I had to bring back the papers home semata-mata untuk mencari ilham. Seriously, I was struggling in answering them. It was hard; for me it was sampai kena solat dulu baru jawab. Plus I were never really good in appraising myself.

Hasilnya, dapatlah jawapan yang serupa macam menjawab soalan dalam paper Kimia.

But I'm glad with the feedback I received from both my boss and the GM.

Makan besar bulan depan yuk! =)

------------------------

Fadhilat Solat Terawih Malam KeDuaPuluhDua: Datang ia pada hari Qiamat aman daripada tiap-tiap dukacita dan kerisauan (tidaklah dalam keadaan huru-hara di Padang Masyar).

9 Days To Hari Raya

=)

Alhamdulillah.

----------------------------
Fadhilat Solat Terawih Malam KeDuaPuluhSatu: Allah binakan sebuah istana dalam Syurga daripada nur.

10 Days to Hari Raya

It makes the time goes faster when I started counting down Hari Raya. 10 days left before Syawal and it makes me feel so sad at some point that Ramadan is starting to wave its hand goodbye. It feels as if it was just started couple of days ago and we are now counting down to celebrating the joyful day after spending a month fasting; cleaning our souls hoping for forgiveness and barakah. And now, Ramadan is preparing to close its door.

It's been the toughest Ramadan for me so far and I have to admit that I learn alot during this Ramadan. But most of all, He does listen. And He listened well. I just need to remind myself that I have Him to look after to. All that I have to do is pray and Insyaallah, my prayers will be answered coz he listens! This is the power of Bulan Ramadan.

10 days left before Syawal. Lets us all make full use of it coz within this 10 remaining days, we might be getting a bigger reward coz Lailatul'qadar is here.




And Syawal is next! Wohoooo!

-----------------------------

Fadhilat Solat Terawih Malam KeDuaPuluh: Allah kurniakan kepadanya pahala sekalian orang yang mati syahid dan orang-orang solihin.

11 Days to Hari Raya

This is the 100th 102nd post for undesignated. As far as I remember, this blog was created due to depression that I had months ago (or was it a year ago?!). Untuk lebih dramaticnya, blog ini ditubuhkan. I remembered I had this feeling of not wanting to write anymore. Plus, things that I wrote here were junks. Nothing educational, nothing related to improving your self-inability, non-inspirational; total junk!

But I couldn't resist from clicking blogspot (promote!promote!). I guess, there's always something to write about. Something to tell the world hoping that they would read it. A place where I can just write without having to worry about a single thing. Tempat untuk orang jadi gila glamour pon ada juga.

I started writing in a blog since I was in form 2. I met few friends thru iRC (ingat tak zaman kegemilangan chatting?) and they taught me how to work with coding and whatnot. I learnt how to create my own webpage and make it as my own digital diary. We even compared our pages with each other to improve (lah konon) our sense of computer designing. It was the era of the ever famous Geocities and Tripod where one could host a site for free.

But as the time goes by and technology starts playing its role, there are few free hosted webpages for bloggers. Blogspot to name a few. And I have been its most loyal user ever since. And I have never stop writing in a blog.

Its an addiction, I guess. Something that you could never stop doing. Macam makan chocolate. Hari-hari mesti makan chocolate. Kalau tak makan kira sudah bazir satu hari.

For some, blogging is to past their time. Just like me; to past my time while waiting for lunch break to over or distracting myself from thinking about what my mother is preparing for berbuka (aku lapar weyh hari ni tak tahu kenapa?!). But for some, blogging is the place for them to express their anger about certain issues; say politicians. Some politicians, they blogged for defending themselves. Some said that it's the best medium to get close with the community. For some, its the best place to gain popularity but to some, it is just because everyone is doing it, so why don't they have one.

Today, people tend to look blogging as another medium of communications not just to express whatever things that they like/dislike but a place for them to sell and do business; same goes as moi! There are online boutiques at every corner. Pendek cerita, blogging sudah berkembang.

Jadi jangan terlalu pendek akal untuk menyekat orang-orang yang berbelog (bak kat Hanis Zalikha)

Lunch break is over. I need to get back to work. Selamat berpuasa dan selamat berbuka!

-----------------------------

Fadhilat Solat Terawih Malam KeSembilanBelas: Allah Subhanahuwata'ala tinggikan darjatnya di dalam Syurga Firdaus.