Nobody said life would be easy

At this time last year, I was struggling myself to finish up my final year project which consisted me in burning the midnight oil just to make sure that I nail my final year exhibition. During that particular of time, I wish that I could just get over with my study life and start earning a living. But now when I'm actually earning a living, all that I can think of is to submit my master's application and never to remember this experience as a working person ever again.

I wrote about how hardwork and patience works in life on the previous post but I missed out the point to mention that hardwork and patience does not come easily. And it sucks big time when you know that you screwed something out of it. Nobody said life would be easy but nobody said that it's going to be this hard.

I made a mistake today. I made a mistake which I shouldn't have done it. It was something that I was trained not to do so. I guess I was panic and did it after all and cost a lot of trouble to a certain party. I blamed myself for making those mistakes. It was totally on me. I wanted to cry so bad but tears decided not to be my friend. I wanted to scream but I'm out of energy to do so. Honestly, I just wish that I could just stab my heart with a knife and die on spot. Ok, that would be a little bit of exaggeration but I think you know the feeling aight?!

I apologized and admitted my fault to my GM. He didn't say much instead he gave me good advices by saying that these are the experiences that would teach me to improve my working skills. I was hoping to get a scream or anything but he didn't and I still feel bad although the problem is solved.

I went to see him for dinner. I know he was trying his best to cheer me up to distract me from thinking about it. But sorry my dearest, your distractions didn't work. But thanks for the effort anyway. Your company means a lot to me.

I doubt that I can sleep peacefully tonight. I doubt that I can actually close my eyes without thinking about it *sigh*. I think I need to go for a stress management course to teach me on how to deal with stress and anger. *another sigh*

Tomorrow is going to be another tough day. Ya Allah ya tuhanku, berikanlah kekuatan kepada hambamu ini. Amin.