Confession

Kadang-kadang, apa yang kata selalu inginkan tidak semestinya kita akan dapat (selalunya ia bukan kadang-kadang)
Kadang-kadang, kita akan merasakan bahawa hidup tidaklah seindah yang diharapkan.
Kadang-kadang, kita akan bertindak diluar tindakan norma untuk mencapai apa yang diinginkan.
Kadang-kadang, kita terpaksa melulakan perasaan orang lain demi kebahagian sendiri.
Kadang-kadang, kita akan merasakan bahawa kita berada di satu kawasan kosong yang hanya ada kita sahaja didalamnya walaupun pada ketika itu berjuta-juta orang mengelilingi kita.
Kadang-kadang, kita hanya memerlukan diri kita sahaja dan tidak orang lain.
Kadang-kadang, apa yang ada di dalam hati itu lebih berkuasa daripada apa yang berada di dalam minda.
Kadang-kadang, kita hanya mahu merasakan kebebasan. Itu sahaja.

I wish I can be 16 again.

My life was so much fun back then. Happier and full of laughter. I don't remember hating anyone (or myself for any of that matter) during that time. I was very happy even when I scored 35% for add maths. I don't remember screaming to myself when pimples started to grow on my face for the first time. I'm not a girl who socialized that much. I'm not like most of the girls from my school. I went for tuitions on weekends, attending extra classes after school hour, spending more time in school, I don't indulged myself with cigarettes like most of the girls do, I don't have bf(s); St. John & VI boys were within the tips of my finger but I found out that they were all losers. But to top of that, I'm still out having fun with the girls, occassionally (we were still schooling, mommy wasn't being cool at that time). I had fun when I was 16.

It's all different now.

I thought growing up could me more fun. No more curfew. No more feeling guilty for spending mommy's money. No more school uniforms. No more attending classes. No more exams. No more rules and regulations and all the "no mores". It's all about fun, fun, fun.

But, it wasn't as expected.

The older you get, the greater responsibilites will be on your shoulder, decisions to make, hearts to be taken care of and whatnots. You have to think rationally not emotionally. You have to understand your priorities instead of your wants and needs. You have to learn to keep things to yourselves instead of shouting it out. You have learn how to live your life without messing up with others.

But we tend to forget about one thing. That we are human and human make mistakes. Coz we are not born to be perfect and we oftenly take things for granted. We stopped ourselves from learning and make things on our own. We live our life the way we want it to be. We tend to be selfish with others. We oftenly forget the people that means alot to us. We thought that we are being experimental with our lives; in the name of experiencing. But in the end, we lost!

Growing up involves all the shits that the world can offer. Right now, shits are what I'm eating and I'm not sure how long I can stand. I hope I can stand as long as I can coz right now, strength is all that I need.