Iman has been coughing non-stop for the past couple of days. It started with a very mild coughing and you know lah kids, she likes to imitate her grandma coughing and so, the coughing became worst because she has been pushing herself to cough sampai merah muka dibuatnya. Normally, I'll give her the powder-I-don't-know-the-name-of-the-medicine to reduce the coughing and eventually to stop it but somehow it doesn't work this time. What's worst when the flu started to make its appearance. Aduh, meleleh-leleh hingus anak aku.
I don't normally go to see the doctor whenever Iman is down with sickness. I just got it from the pharmacy and Alhamdulillah, so far it works for Iman but this time, none of the pharmacy's medicines were working. It's worsen when she started vomiting every time she coughs. Poor baby!
I had to rush her to the hospital yesterday due to the vomiting and it got me thinking.
Iman has been sick on and off for quite some time now and I feel that I have not been a good mother in taking care of her. I've been neglecting my responsibility as a mother and I have not paying my attention to my daughter. It saddens me to know that this little girl of mine is not getting enough love and attention from her mother.
Should I quit my job and be a stay-home-mom instead? I really wish I could. And with this Masters that I'm currently on doesn't help at all.
I used to tell myself that it's ok to bersusah sekarang for a better future but looking at Iman's condition, I don't see the point of doing it anymore. It's not that Iman is having a serious sickness, Masyaallah mintak simpang but I can't help myself but to feel guilty every time she's down with flu or fever. It breaks my heart each and every time. Tak sampai hati nak tengok!
To be honest, I don't think I have the strength to fight anymore. I feel very weak - mentally, physically and emotionally weak.
Being a working mom at the very young age is very tough. It's even tougher when you feel that you are not delivering enough for your family. I don't know. I feel very demotivated right now and it effects my family. Poor baby Iman.
No comments:
Post a Comment