Confession #3

I want to feel to be able to write again. I want to feel to be good in writing again. I want to have the inspirations everytime I start making a sentence. But all that I've been writing now are all junks, crappy stuff either be an emotional heart-breaking statements or a political related issues (which I have no idea of having interest over the subject).

I will end up making an unfinished-halfway-done-tiba-tiba-blank-post yang akhirnya dicancelkan tanpa sebarang perasaan belas kasihan. Just like this one. Not forgetting the haywire of grammatical error in every sentences. I think, I need to go for an intensive english class or maybe, maybe joining my little cousin in his standard 3 english class and start learning to differentiate a plural or singular based sentence.

I feel useless. I've stopped reading. All the books that placed nicely on my table are read halfway. Some are not even touched. The hibe of buying a book is still there but finishing it up will not be a successful. The excitement of knowing the ending thru a wonderful beginning has demolished; has gone down the drain. I need that excitement again. I need to feel the needing of reading a book. I need to distract myself from the world with knowledges; with a wonderful words of potraiting one's life. I need to be able to imagine again. All that I've been doing is pressuring myself with sadness. Sungguh depressing.

But I made progressions in my life.

Life - has been improving. I've recovered from my delusional-entah-apa-apa syndrome. I managed to control myself from hearing the other half of me from talking. I've took control of myself now. I managed to stay calm and think rationally. But it doesn't mean that I'm fully recovered. Recovery process takes time and that is why I said I am half way there. There are still a little bit of it placing here and there in my body which will take another half of my time to get out of my head, completely.

Work - has been depressing as always. It is the only one thing that I could never take control off. I have to admit that it has not been good compared to when I first started. The people are no longer fun. The environment is no longer fun. The office doesn't seem fun looking at all. I think I need to look for a new environment. Or maybe, maybe because I don't fit in this place anymore. *sigh*

Social networking - I managed to minimize my social surrounding. It turned out to be that some people are just not worth knowing, period!

Alot has happened lately. I guess, this is what growing up is all about. One has to take control of their responsibilities well. Prioritizing the needs and wants. Hardwork, patience and determination are required in fulfilling hopes and dreams (if you have one).

I'm going to get myself fix before it's too late.