There are three things I want to achieve this year. It's nothing materially but mainly involving soul cleanliness. If I were to achieve all these, this year, I really really have to work hard on it. We are already in the month of May. Within few weeks, May will be waving its' hand and than comes June. Half a year past with just a blink of an eye and what have I achieved so far? None, I can tell you. It's None!
Things that I desperately need to educate myself:
To forgive and forget
Well, honestly, forgiving it not as hard as to forget. It takes you million of years to forget one stupid little thing that you've caused. It takes you centuries to build the strength due to your weaknesses. It takes your whole energy to convince yourself that the same shit won't happen again. No matter how hard you tell yourself that everything is going to be fine, the thoughts will never slip from your mind. You learn and keep on learning. You keep yourself distracted from remembering the past. The harder you try, the stronger it stays with you. As what it says, memories remain; either good or bad. It's there; permanently. It's all said and done and it's up to me to choose either to forgive or to forget. I've forgiven and hell yes, I've forgiven everything but I'm still learning to forget. Though I must admit, the forgetting process is not easy but I'm still here learning. Cause I don't want to hurt myself anymore. And so, here I am, promising myself, by the end of this year you will be forgotten. Better still, you'll be gone earlier than that.
Think positive
It's so hard to see things in a positive manner other than the negative ones. It's always been "tak boleh itu", "tak boleh ini", "tak dapat itu","tak dapat ini", "kenapa itu", "kenapa ini". Always. Not in a single day that we don't question ourselves the negative way. Frankly, I can't be positive myself either especially during this peak hour of the season. I don't actually know what season we are currently in/at but at this moment of time, I'm in a total deep shit. As much as I'm hoping for a better opportunity, deep down in me, I know that I'm not going to get any, anytime soon. And by that, it's hard for me to face the fact that I'm not heading any road other than this current one. And I can't even see what's waiting for me in the future. I'm demotivated and it's pretty bad.
To always be grateful
And this is the hardest part of all time. I'm demotivated, still holding the grunge, too emotional, complaining to much, bragging unnecessarily and acting like a brat. I have to stop hoping for things that are not belongs to me. I have to learn to appreciate what I have. I have to keep myself reminded that to always live for the present. Be grateful Ajlaa. Be grateful.
But I will never stop hoping. All these nonsense have cause me headache that made me worried to much. I can't sleep. I eat less. I work more. For nothing! It doesn't seem to be fun anymore. I have to stop worrying. I have to start looking things on the bright side. I have too!
Ajlaa, you have too! And stop complaining. People hate it when you complain too much. So stop complaining.
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