Often I received a remark of the say how Supermom I am in juggling work, study & family at the same time. Honestly, I don't deserve such remark. Things have been rough on me. Slowly, I feel like falling down.
I can sense that my work progress is not progressive at all. I keep on doing the smallest mistakes one could have done. Being in a senior position, I shouldn't be doing those little little mistakes. Being a human, we do make mistakes but this, I can't even forgive myself. I feel so ashamed of myself. So ashamed!
Study tak payah cakaplah. With the lines of deadlines that I have right now, seriously I'm not sure if I can coop with it or not.
Most of all, the thought of not delivering well to my daughter breaks my heart even worst. I keep on having this feeling that I do not give enough attention to my daughter which I think is very true. I leave home for work at 8am every morning and reach home at 9pm. And that little time I have before Iman goes to bed is the only time I have spent with her. Kesian Iman. I really kesian my daughter and that has caused me numerous of times crying myself before sleep.
My worst fear is that I'm scared that because of me working hard towards achieving my dreams will effect my daughter's development. I should stop comparing my daughter with others. I should stop doing that.
Clearly, my confident level is nowhere to be seen. Iman has been acting weirdly this few couple of days and I don't blame her. She needs the attention but I was not there to give it to her. I'm at fault.
I try to be the best mother, but I guess I have failed in the responsibility.
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